Abbie The Cat Has A Posse
Wednesday, March 28, 2001
so there is a big secret here today
the big secret is that someone decided to use the bathtub for a catbox
and I'll give you a hint: it wasn't the guy
prelimilnarty forensicsreports indicate it was a cat

if anybody needs me I will be sitting quietly in the corner
deducing this most heinous crime
yes, thats right, deducing
on the other hand the catbox is now sparkling clean

Sunday, March 25, 2001
Here is a good cardinal rule
You should follow it quite closely
the food in the bowl is no good if you can see the bottom of the bowl
This is what we consider Cause For Alarm
It only stands to reason

Saturday, March 24, 2001
i am now a Cultured cat culture lover and will write a musical revirew
I don't know the name of the song but it is opera singing

tyhe music playing right now is of a woman singing
it sounds as if she is in a room with echoes all in it or maybe she is on the stage
somebody is playing the piano but that does not concern us
the woman singing has a very high voice. I cannot go that high and I try sometimes
the song is quite pretty and in a language I don't understand, so I don't have to worry
all in all I liked it
I liked it so much I tried to sing along too when she sang up high

the other cat says I should not quit my day job
that is very funny all things considered

Friday, March 23, 2001

This beautiful picture was made just for me and I can assure you it is real
still no word yet on what a posse is though

There is a great big world outside that door I can't go through
I know there is because I've seen it on oaccsion
the best part of the big wide world out there is the part under the staris

I am the king I am the king I am the king I AM THE KING
I AM THE KING I AM THE KING I AM THE KING i have no testickals

Thursday, March 22, 2001
there is ta tool box on the table in the diningroom rightn ow
it is very interesting and we arae taking our time checking it out
all sorts of grand and mysterious objcets reside inside, I am sure of it
upon opening it I was right, there were incredible things inside
If we had been allowed to sniff them more, we might have figured out what they were
But that is the way of life I guess
rarely are we treated to enlightment at the right time

the other cat made a bet with me that I coudln't use the word enlightenment in a sentence
I have just won so she owes me big time

Wednesday, March 21, 2001
I am sitting in the living room and I have just overturned a bowl full of delicious beef stew
there is sun on the floor coming in from the sliding door
the other cat is somewhere in the other room sleeping so she doesn't bother me
I fished several pieces of that construction toy out of the container so I can play with them
life is good

Friday, March 16, 2001
this is a story I wrote
it is called The story of abbie who is a cat and the kitchen and the search of abbie for food in the kitchen
I hope you like it

once upon a time there was cat whose name was abbie. he was a good cat and big and strong and lived in an apartment.
one day abbie got very hungry and decided to find some food. normally youd 'think that this would be an easy task butremember
Abbie is a cat, and therefore is not allowed to use the stove or open the refirgerator.
So the cat who was Abbie jumped upon the counter to see what he could find. First he found a bowl but it was empty. then there were pots in the sink and they were not empty but they were also full of sopay water. soapy water does NOT taste good and will meka you run away.
Finally abbie looked over on the other side of the sink and lo and behold there was for him to view a giant roatisserie chicken with all the trimmings! it smelled sooooo good and looked tasty too so Abbie walekd over and bit a piece off. sure enough it was very delicious and beofre you knew it he had eaten an entire chunk out of its side! the chicken was tender and delicious and that was what he wanted. He tried to pull al leg off the chicken but ended up dumping it all on the floor where he kept eating.

just then the other cat came by and saw thatthe big cat who is named abbie was eating the chicken and had conquered it. she askefd if she could hae some too and abbie's mouth was so full he could not say NO IT IS MINE BACK OFF so she joined in eating it. when abbie was done he got up and went over to the couch and sat down and had a nice quiet nap and the other cat was still eating the chicken when the guy came in and saw the chicken on the floor being eaten by a cat and the littel cat got in a whole heap of trouble while cat abbie slept happily a fwe feet away

this is based on a true story

Thursday, March 15, 2001
here is a list of things I tried to eat today

piece of cereal
phone cord
FM stereo wire
piece of construction toy
corner of mattress
votive candle
the other cat's ear

please rememebr this is not a list of things I ate, merely a list of things I tried to
there is a big difference

let me in
let me in let me in LET ME IN
I have scratched under the door and torn up all the carpet there
what more proof do youi need that I WANT TO BE IN THE ROOM???????

it is hard Ive found to type on the kaybord
I have very big paws and wsometimes I hit more than one key
the other cat says that's what the backspace key is for
I said I would give her a backspace on her ear and she just washed her paw at me

it is time to go see if anything new is in the bowl
I keep my hopes up because maybe someday there will be steak instead of dry food
I dream

the other cat today was asking all sorts of weird questions
she asked me do you ever wonder where we came from
and I said wellI know where I came from, I was just in the kitchen a momenet ago
she said no, she meant where did we come from way back wehn
and I said of course I know where we came from way back when, we had a big house and there were staircases and rooms to hide in and you always got lost in the basement and they had to go down with flashlights and find you on the air ducts
And she looked at me and I looked away and she said no, where did we come from before we were even little?
and I said I remember where -- we were in a small apartment and there was bad carpeting and two little kids who picked us up and used us for frisbees and you always hid under the dresser where they couldn't find you and then this guy came over and took us elsewhere

it was then she declared I was a lost cause
and we had to have a fight
I am big and I sat on her

Wednesday, March 14, 2001
I have just been informed that cats can't go to jail
this takes a whole great load off of my mind I can tell you that
nobody has ever thought to prosecute the cat which gives us incredible power
we are legally invincible not that I'd ever use such piwer for my own gains
except maybe raid the pizza place

Tuesday, March 13, 2001
I have a question now for you
what is a posse? i need to know because i"mve been informed that I have one

last night I got up and stepped on the computer keyboard
there was a bottlecap I nwanted to play with on the desk
the computer made all sorts of neat noises as I stood on it and
I think I broke somebody's machine across the country
or at least just killed my window to them
that is my explanatrion and excuse so don't put me in kjail, please.
thank you

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you might woinder how it is that a cat can type on a keyboard well Wonder no further for it is none of your concern
you might as well wondr how the lamp got knocked over or how that hairball got into your shoe
these things they just happen and It is not for us to reason why.
I am a big cat and I am black and white with green eyes and I also have ears
the other cat is little and black whereas I am black and white I think you can see the fundamental differences here
also she is a pain in the butt
sometimes we play ninjas and we hide in wait to ambush the emperor or president or whoever ninjas ambush
but they never show up so we must fight each other instead
The other cat is litle and wily whereas I am strong so you can see who takes down who with Greatest skill and ease
when I grow up I should like to be a ninja or maybe a robot or a robot ninja

HI iam Abbie and I am a cat and this is my story about being a cat and being in this place
this computer now belongs to ME ABBIE so you cannot touch it
someone should feed me now because typing is very hard work
i should like some nice chicken or maybe whatever you've got in your bowl. Thank you

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