Abbie The Cat Has A Posse

2011-12-12T18:33:00.005-05:00

heard it again
another ones walked away
still LIngers in the shadows and the sun
good fellow this time too
well most of us are goodonce were gone
the bad parts go away because who Wants to think about them anwyay
others I guess its just good they are gone
and we leave it at that
I never knew any of them personaly

everynow and then I ithink I see the other cat
where she would be
I dont need to tell you where those spots are because you know wherethey are
they are where she Would be
and somet imes when I am just dozing off
I swear I hears it
she says hey sleepyface wake up theres a mouse
practically RUnning upt o you

usualy I get up and the mouse is there
and then it is on
because if I go back to sleep I Probably wouldnt hear the end of it
sheesh look at him just ignorin his duties
someone oughta keelhaul you slacker
etcetera

I think she is just a litle bit jealous
because I have lived nearly Twice as long as she
well lemme tell you sister it aint ALways been a bed of roses that extra time
some of that EXtra time was spent growing older and slower and crankier
who knew
anwyay I willbe gone some day and then what

Ill tell you what
if she asks me then how I SAPent all my extra time
I am gonna say well you oughta know cause YOu were there bugging me for most o fit
we doze off a lot as a general rule

cats also dont waste too much time as a generaul rule ewither
theres a cat saying
time wasted is still time spent
you cant do anything else with time but spend it
thats all I know about ecomonmics

started typing my stories ten and a HAlf years ago
thats a mighty long time for a cat
some keyboards were easiert o use than others
anyway these stories are MINE
spent my time you see and I got em in return
and if the other saying you cant take it with you is true
then they stya here when I am gone
thats pretty good right
the Internet doesnt do a very good job of forgetting sometimes

but I heard a Story once
he said he heard it from another guy
which was all about a King back in the day
I Mean a long time ago
and this king thought so much of himself that he put up a STatue of hismelf
and it was big
and on it he wrote man OH man look at how big I am
and all of my stuff
look at ALL OF MY STUFF
only now there wasnt any Stuff to look ata nymore
I tol dyou it had been a long time ago
And the statue well it was pretty much gone But just the legs stayed
also the part he wrote

I htink maybe he carved it instead

anwyay I think I sure do have one up on the king
sure I like to talk about all my stuff
but I already know Ive lost a bit of it
do you think the old king ever figured

some of the stuff I lose ends up under the couch
others just the shadows and the sun

2011-10-26T08:04:00.002-04:00

well you May be curious to know
I have been learning how to drwaw comibooks
theyre pretty tough to draw to be honest
i am having a time of it with the pen
they dont show you all the parts in the comic book
where they didnt hold the pen right
or they knokced the ink over by accident and it blotched on the Paper
or they acidentally stepped on the paper before the inky dried and put prints all over the place
there is a lot in comic books that can happen by Accident

sofar I have not done a lot with superheros
they are everywhere and anyway my superhero is a ninja and he was not in this story
instead i decided to play a villin
and batman is full of them
so here is part of the comicbook I wrote about batman and me abbie the match he has met
i figure even if i end up not drawrirng it then the instructions will help whoever it is do it

title
batman has met his match
by ME abbie

panel 1
you see gotham city and all the poeple are sad
the caption says "This is Gotham city and all the people are sad"

panel 2
you see people in gotham city being sad and they are also hungry (you have to draw them being hungry)
the caption says "they are hungry but they have nothing to eat"

panel 3
one of the sad people is saying "who took all the food we were going to eat?"
word bubble: "Who took all the food we were going to eat?"
the word bubble is coming from the sad person

panel 4
this might be a big panel
there is a SHAdowy Figure sitting in a big pile of stolen food. if it is TOo hard to draw you can make it crates labeled "FOOD"
caption: "Who indeed, for hidden away deep is a Shadowy Figure who knows who did it!"
other caption: "Meanwhile, in a secret hidden abandoned warehouse..."
maybe also you could make the shadowy figure saying "ha ha ha!"

panel 5
we are looking at the shadowy figure and he is dramatically walking into a light
he is saying "I know who did it!"
I guess yo uknow where the word bubbles go at this point

panel 6
the shadowy figure is cheering in victory and he is standing in the light and not so shadowy anymore
and it is ME in my super villin outfit
I say "And the reason I know who did it is because I did it! I am THE MOOCH"

and then make big words saying "BEWARE... THE MOOCH"

that's all I got so far in comic book form
but the mooch is a most formidable enemy
he is quick as lightning and can steal your food before you know you even want to eat it
this part I ams aying now by the way doesnt go in the comic
at least not this way
also the batman people have not written me back saying whether or not they will use the mooch in all future batman stories
so for now pretend im not fighting batman
but instead another superhero
and we are not in gotham city anymore we are in um
rochester

2011-05-01T03:33:00.002-04:00

QWell would you liook who is the kIng
ME
that is who
because it has been my birthday
Again
and now I am fourteen
that is fourteen yeras
and in cat years that is REGAL

we dont get around much as we used to
we dont write much as we used to
you slow down as you get older
And sometimes thers just nOt much to write about
today I slept
and I woke up
and I Used the LIterbox
do you realy need me to exlaborate on That
caus its pretty straightforward if you ask me
you go in the box
you do your tihing
you clean up and go
whAT MORE DO YOU NEED
it dont become more interesting over time

I Had a fine birthday DInner tonight
they brought fish back form the fish palce
now here is something you mightk not know
when you order fish from the pfish place
you shouldnt say this is for a cats birthday
because they will look at you funny
and say whats the matter is our fish not good enough for people
they are Proud these fishmongers
so
you order it saying This is for a dinner for people
and Most Definitly not for cats
no those cats will STay aAway
we will make sure of it
now bring out the FrRUITS of the SEA

so this is how the DInner came to be for people but mostlyh for ME ABBIE
and they came back and they ate it
but I had a Sampling of everything
it is called a bufet
here is what I think of some fish

SAlmon is orange and tastes like salmon
but if you look at a picture of a samon you see it is pink
that is strange
but bears lke salmon so its good enough for me
you DOnot want to argue with a bear

tuna is pink and it tastses GOod
but when you look at a tuna you see it is silver
fish ar efull of mystery
also vitamins

then thers yellowtail
i havent seen ap icture of one
but judging from previous experience
i would be Surprised if it actualy had a yellow tail
you cant fool me three times over

all three though were Aplus eats
WOuld eat again
and Should

by the by
I wonderd what actual fish was silver
so I Looked it up
that SIlverfish aint no fish at all
I just wrotethat to save you some time

2011-02-15T20:07:00.003-05:00

it has come to my Attention that some poeple do not know how to catch mice
this Is ay is a travesty
and I say this as the pre eminent mousecatgcher of his day
I have caught more mice than there are stars in the sky
at least as many stars as I canc ount
its been cloudy a lot

so let me take this oppoprtuntiy to share some iwisdom of the ages
it comes passed down from cat to cat
some cats dont get it though and they dont make good mousecatchers
for instance there was this cat I knew
she didnt care for mice one way or tother
if she sa w one she would let it go
live and let live she owuld say
that mouse has done me no harm
and anyway there are about fifty more improtant Things to do right now
I once told her that was probably not the pIrate way
an d I knew for a fact they did not like mice on their ship
it was Bad LUck
and she just pooh poohed

I sh ould also mention that this cat
this cat would not hesitate to take credit for a mouse I caught
so much for live and let lieve
anyawy that was a long time ago and history has proven me to be the victor
another notch in the collar If you Will
and you SHould

so heare are some rules for micecatching
as given to me from cats who have gone befre
Great Mousers they
first you m uyst figure out where the mice are
this is not as easy as it sounds
but for the sake of not being here all day I should say mice are usually found where there is food
and so am I
very handy you see

next once you See where a mouse is it will oprobably go there again
so you dont have to act right away
it is better not to becaus you want to put them at ease
make them think the house is theirs and they can run around all they awant
else they will just hide where you cant get them
to do ithis you must watch them but
but be VEry still and Quiet
you must gfool them into thinking you are Part of the scenery
the wall or mayhbe the shadow
sometimes it takes a while to wait
but it is Worth it

the rest is prety dstraight forward
you cahase it and y ou catch it
if it gts away then go back to the step where you are very quiet
if you catch it hurray
do as you PLease with it
me I like to keep mine by my food sdish
some cats like toeat their mice but honetstly they dont taste very good
any cat who tells you otherwise is really porbably just folloiwing tradition
Ive eaten a few in my time and only several were really Palatable
it might depend on what they were eating ebeforehand
I ate one once and I only ate half
the REst I was saving for later onlyh it never got later enough for me to want to finihsh it

the next part is hard for acat but bear with me here
if someone gets rid of the mouse for you do not get upset
even if they say sthings like oh a dead mouse how disgusting
get it out of here before the hwole house gets a diseas
listen buddy some VEry Helpful cat just did you a Favor
the least you can do is tell them just ho wwell they did
before tosing the mouse outside or in the trash
or wherevr you put it

that wasnt me being upset
'
around here people undestrstand the vaulable service I provide
and they say things like welld one ABbie
yhou are a great mousecatcher
here have a treat

Treats taste better than mice amnyway so it is all win win
doesnt matter what treat it is either
so feel free to be Cretative and generous

2010-11-24T11:08:00.002-05:00

and now we Present
that star of Stage and screen
abbie G robinson
in his gReatest role ever

listen see
thisis My joint
I'm the big cheese around here
and I aint about to let
no two bit punk
muscle in on MY turf
see

THE END

by theWAy in reality
this mesage goes to the brazen varmint
by the bowl outside
he Knows who he is
my Dialog was couresty gangster movies
I Have been watching a lot of gangstermovies
starringthat guy
who WAs in gangster movies
oh and that other guy was in it too sometimes

2010-04-30T19:34:00.003-04:00

today someone said hey abbie congratulations
adn I said whatdid I do this time
oh right it is my birthday
so today I ma thirteen and in cat years that is VENERATED ELDER

everybody is always talking about dog years and how Dogs are seven for every year
for one dogs stole that from cats
as usulal
for two its not that simple but for tke sake of being easy lets just go with it
cat years are differnet
we have a calendar that is like years
it is hard to explain
its all in the mind
and there arent too many names for months and stuff
i mean I know what month it is and you know what month it is
why waste names
we dont even call it months so there

okay so we name years
there si another cat who has a birthday today
but in cat years he is still a babby

i know it is getting to be my birthday time when the windows are open
today I sat in the window sill and watched the backyard
i have much to report for instance
the squirrels have way too much freedom in those trees
also there is a nerw fence
and tols
some are very loud and some just sound like hitting things
people are making an awful lot of stuff out in the world
i just like making a mess

oh and if you are wondering abot the cat calendar
it all depends on where you have to sit for the sun
thats how you know

2010-03-28T14:17:00.002-04:00

looking out the window at the very nice WSpring weather we are ahving
many thingshappen on the street when you look
they probably happen when you dont look too but you gotta look
except for skunks
skunks happen and you dont need to see them

i saw someone i know running down the street
running runnng running
sasy I what are you doing all that running for
you are not carrying any loot
and you are not cahasing anything
she says abbie I am practicing for amarathon
well if that dont beat all
do you know what aa marathon is
i do now
it is a big race but you cant use cars
and it is a long way to run
i once ran from the ktichen through the dinning room and into the windows room
because a bird was outside
then i ran up the stairs and let everybody know there was a bird outside
and then i ran down the stairs and back into the windows room
turns out thats not much of a marathon
and when i got back the bird was gone

everybody runs around for different reasons i guess

2010-02-01T00:03:00.006-05:00

THIS IS TO CERTIFY
That on Sunday, January 31, 2010
THE PARTY OF THE FIRST PART (heretofore referred to as ABBIE) did ask for, and did receive
* A copious quantity of leftover brisket
* New water in his water dish
* Attention

Should, in the future, the PARTY OF THE FIRST PART (we mean ABBIE) make the following claims

1. That he has never been fed
2. That he has never had new water in his bowl
3. That he has never had brisket before in his life
4. That nobody likes him, everybody hates him, guess he'll go eat worms
5. (the list is not limited to the four above, any whine will do)

LET IT BE KNOWN TO ALL AND SUNDRY
That these complaints are VICIOUS VICIOUS LIES

So noted and recorded this First of February, 2010

Signed: _____x______ (ME ABBie)
Witnessed and Countersigned: ____y_____ (the guy)

Additional notes from the PARTY OF THE FIRST PART: THEy told me that If I wanted ANY piece of the Briskte I would have to SIgn this first so it is COmpletely Under Duress and should not be LEgal one bit oh wait did I mention I was supposed to get Briskte with this well I NEVER GOT IT so can I have some of yours huh

2010-01-22T16:45:00.003-05:00

when I am sitting int he PUrple seat
which is mine by the way
it has my hair on it
just so you dont sit there

when I sit in the pUrple seat
I am the archduk of everywheria
and from here I sit
watching my subjects Go by
to and fro
paying tribute
it is Nice to watch
and gives us something to do before the daily Feast in my honor

when I sit on the table
in the middle of the plants
and watch the squirels
I am the interpid Explorer cornel Humphries
and I am on the trail of the biggest game prize yet
if I get lost it is okay
I will eventually meet the doctor i presume
or was it the other way around

when I sit on the couch
i am just a cat
some days that's pretty much as good as it gets

2009-11-26T18:38:00.010-05:00

THis being THanksgiving and all I know that i amsure thankful for a lot of thigns
first you know the man they call troublemaker sam
well he helped me out with my Hair Styilng
oha nd that girl she helped out too
and now i am SLeeker than ever and you cannot ever say oh hey there goes abbie the walking throw rug

all is good for now it is colder and I shall be growing a new rug as They say

so I thought I should tkae the time and tell you all about Thanks giving because it is a very good time aorund here when it happens

it all goes back to a very long time ago ah wen there these cats they called pilgrims
they were Making a Pilgrimation from the land across the ocean to over here, which is across the ocean from oer there

I looked it up on GOggle maps it is all true

and they Settled down and called the place NEw England so that nobody would confuse it with Regular England

and things were going okay for a while
they were doing pretty good for themselves
but then when winter came oh brother was It a nightmare
dont ever do that if you have a chance by the wya
if someone comes up to you and says Hey buddy wanna go to the New World and spend a winter there
say No thank you I shall wait until after you have your Revolution

so undersatndably when the time came for the next winter to roll around these cats were Pretty worried
but then they got to tlaking with the Cats who had ALready Been Living there
these cats by the way
i gotta say
they get the Short end of the stick by the end of it all
I mean really unfair
It's like when they put you in a SMall room and say
oh Sorry Abbie but we have to use the dining room right now
this fine sushi dinner just Isnt for the lieks of YOU

now take that
and make it like a Million times even MOre unfair
thats those cats
I mean
unliike Yours Truley
they werent even doing anything Wrong

but back in the Piligrims days these cats were doing pretty good for themselves
they had COrn
and it was called Maize
but you could say corn if you wanted to
and they said hey New Cats on the block
here's maize which we think you will really like
and when you Grow it then you can make all kinds of food
and grow some more

Needles to say this made the pilgirms very happy
as well as my ancestor Restaurant joe

remember Restauarnt joe
theres a song about restauarnt joe

anyway in those days he was known as Elder Restaurant JOseph
I looked it up
but I am going to still just call him Rest Joe from now on becaus the last time I told you about him I got REAlly SIck and tired of writing it aLL THE TIME

so Rest Joe he was part of the Pilgrimings and he piped up and he said well you know I have been wanting to make some fine food for everybodyt for a long time now only we have been running low on every ingredient

but I bet that if we took what we got and shared it what with the Cats over there
and use their maize corn too
we can have our selves a feastt that cant be beat

and thats just what they did, everybody got together and I guess they used a big kitchen
and Rest Joe made all his favrite Specialties
when you asked him if something was on the menu he said it is now
and the other cats they stopped by and made their own stuff and stuffing
it was pretty wild
I bet they even had turnips
Because they had a song about the meal
and it went you can get anything you want at restaurant joe's restaurant
Except for the restaurant

afterwards when they were all full everybdoy took a nap
but not before rest joe tapped his fork to his mug and said
okay I want to thank everybody who came out and did their thing
and helped put a lot of food on the table
and I want to thank the other cats because they saw we Were in a FIx
and there's a lot of other things to thank
and I Bet you have a few in your life too
so think about that for a bit
and then you can take a Nap because I know I will

and they slept for quit ea while and then they got up and ran around batting small rocks in to the goals
all in all not bad a holiday for a first try

anyway I Am awriting all this cause I got my own turkey dinner tonight
WIth all the trimmings Thankyou very Much
and that's a lot to be thankful for

now I am oging to take a nap
the batting of the small rocks shall commence at oh 3:30 this A M

2009-08-15T20:10:00.004-04:00

the Sqiurells are here again and boy are they ROwdy
I dont suppose you know that squirels are very lively
yes sometimes they are very entertaing and other times quite annoying

when I Am bored it is time to watch the squirels eating
and so they put a little bowl on the porch
and inside the BOwl they put stuff that squrirels like to eat
like stuff I wont eat
and then the squirrels come and its a squirrel party for sure
then the food is gone and they go away
be with us next time for more of the squirrel show

but last night they got very carried away
I woudl not be surprised if they had gotten into some bad acorns
for they were very bad nuts
what are you doing I say you are partying too hard
no we are not says the squirrel we are having fun and whats wrong with that bud
if this screen werent here says I you would all not be having a party right now

come on fellas said the squirrel this aint no place for the likes of us
in fact all i sees here is one big square
and thats when the squirels broke the bowl
they tore up the little green bowl
and off they ran with little green pieces of plastic

hah
if thereis no bowl then where do you put the food

something tels me these squirels just partied themselves out of free meals
and the squirrel show has been cancelled
fame as They say is Fleeting

2009-04-22T22:52:00.003-04:00

it IS sprting cleaning
I got springed
and cleaned

it was fun to play in the water
he put me in a tub that is
it is a blig blue tub
that is MY TUB
well I dont see anyone else using it

ANd now I look poisitively svelte
whatkind of word is svelte
it looks wrong
you just mash keys on thekeyboard thats how you get that word
I could do it with my eyes closd
svlet
how did I Do

by the By
whats lavedner and why do theys ay I smell like it
I smell like me but without the dust fromunder the bed
time to goet more dust

2009-02-01T14:01:00.003-05:00

I took a poll recently
whiche was best
breakfast
lunch
dinner
(or supper if you say that)

I knew the poll would not pick lunch to win
it is not that we do not give this meal respect
it is ujust that lunch is not very INspiring when it comes to eating
there is your sandwich
eat it
if you don't then I will eat it
but look
I am not enjoying it as much as I cCOuld be

breakfast on the other hand is great
it is the greateast of all possible meals
now dont you think that it is only for the morning
you can have breafkfast after you have woken up
at any time of day
if it was only for the morning then we awoudl call it MOrning somehting
I dont know what we could call it
since we dont call it that

but you are breaking
and you are dOing it fast
so that is the meal name

the best part of breakfast is the bacon
people who eat becon like it
around here there is a rule you see
oh this bacon was cooked too crispy someone says
i will instead give it to the cat cmere cat
as a resulte I have become quite fond of crsipy bacon
the crispyer the better
now ehere is a secret you will not be Told by anyone else
baconc gets crispy if you cook it for long
so I watned to make sure the bacon would be perfect for the cat
so when it was cooking
there were diversions
oh cat theys aid
get down from there
abbie stop doing that you are going carazy and it isnt even crazy time
abbie quit singing youll have some bacon soon enough

now this is my crowning achievement
look at that
the bacon has been cooked too long and now all of it is cripsy
what do we do
give it to the cat says I
that is the rules

oh well someone says
we can crumble it up and putit in the omelets
waste not want what not

WHAT

here is a happy Endign
we better be sure to save a piece for the cat they say
so there was bacon in the omelets
and bacon in the cat
and that is my story for ytoday

for recirpes please go to a recipe site
there you will leran how to cook bacons

2009-01-25T16:00:00.003-05:00

ONCe upon time there was a bvery smar tman
he didnt live here
and he said the folowing about dinner

he said
some people have meat but they canot eat it
I am guesing he meant vegerterins here
I knew one and she was very kind to me
mostly because I never pestered her for food
much

someetimes tofu can be good to eat

he also said
some peoplw oudl eat food if only they had it
that sounds like me to a T
where is food
there is a cat
the food isnt there for much longer

then he said
but We have meat and we can also eat it

this is the best of both worlds

and he agreed because then he said
and we should be very vthankful for it

I Was tjust thinking abotu this earlier when I had my supper
it is all very true
if you have your food and can eat it
like you have teeth
then be thankful and say it a lot

there is cooking in the kitchen
I amgoing to find more reasons to be thankful

2008-12-28T23:48:00.003-05:00

NOw that there is a moment I can tell you about a handy hint for watching TV
everybody loves to watch telvision
but sometimes when you are wathcing and you really like it
SOmeone changes the channel
but wait I was watcing that and it was JUst getting interesting

so the next time that happens to you here is what you do
I mean you have to do this Before it happens to you
outherwise it just doesnt quite work

SO there you are on the couch (ps you are a cat)
and you are watching television happily
and then the announcer comes on and says next up we will show you how bottlecaps are made
and you think Well this will be very intriguing
I have always wanted to know this
but then someone on the couch says "time to change the cahnnel"
NO IT IS NOT
here is what you do

you go to sleep
right on their lap or on their legs or howveer they are sitting
SLEEP ON THEM
and be sure to look extra comfortable and happy
EVen if it is not quite the most comfortable place ever
one time I fell asleep on a shoe
I do not recomend it unless you like shoes
anyway now you are happy and alseep
and they will say wait I cant get up to change the channel because the cat is so happy and peaceful I do not want to disturb it
wait I will use the remote
oh
IU forgot to mention
before you do allthis
be sure to hide the remote

well now
if you have done everything then you can enjoy what you want to watch
just kind of move your head towars the television set
and watch through your eyes
dont forget you have to pretend you are still asleep
but if you have come this far then that is easy as pie

there is something SMall on the table
I am going to go knock it off
bye

2008-12-15T10:15:00.004-05:00

I was at home
I was napping upstairs and the guy was napping so there was a nap
then I got up and said Im hungry and went downstairs

downstairs theother guy was doing something in the living room
he is what you would calla Troubleamaker
he somestimes says hello abbie you are a cat
and I say yes and hes ays oh good just reminding you of your place in the world
gee thanks for that reminder

he ahs also puled stunts like this
hello abbie he says come over here
okay says I this is fun
then he says I am going to put water onyour head
contrararty to what other cats think, I dont mind water all that muhc
in the summertime theres nothing better to keep you cool
if you have long hair and you dont want to shave it all off
because then you woould look like a FOol
the girl was tehre too, she was fully involved in this i want the record to show
then he ocmbs me when my hair si well and duly wet
and says there, Now you have a mohawk
I am not as thirlled as all that with these turns of events
then the guy comesdown stairs and says hey who gave the cat a wethead
dont look at me, try those poeple over there who cant stop giggling
meanwhile I am goign to go over and search the trashcans to find my dignity
it might be hinidg in there
and food

so there he was troublemaker sam (taht is not his real name)
and he had a camera looking out the window
at squirrels
there is a window out there
and on the other side is a bowl
and in the bowl you put in things you think squirels would like to eat
and then they come by and you Obnserve them
it is very convenient you see

looka t that i say he is making the squirrel show, everybody watch thesquirel show
i cant see the squirrel
move the camera
I Want to see the squirrel

eventualy I decided that the squirrel show has been cacenceld, it had bad ratings, because only one camera was wathching it and no cats were
so I stepped in to help and the squirrel show becames the ABbie show
starring ABbie
heres the theme
it's the abbbie show, the abbie show
everybody wants to watch the abbie show
(the Insturments go crazy here with lots of music)
there'll be ME abbie here and maybe I will do stuff
or just eat and fall asleep
only on the ab
bie
shoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow

todays episode of the abbie show is Abbie watches squirels
it is called THe ONe where Abbie watches the squirrels
and you can see it here
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CEcpIwf2-mY

critics have called the makers of the abbie SHow to task for putting telvevision personaility over storylines
and they say the abbie hsow is very little on plot
pah i say in response this is an atmospheric show if you want a story go over and watch the story show
here on this show things are simple
there are squirrels
ME abbie watches squirrels
then I go do something else
thats a good enough story for me today

2008-12-02T07:13:00.002-05:00

well ther ewas GReat excitement yesterday
I had wona amajor award or something
they said Hey abbie you are officialy the Sassiest cat of the year
in this house at least
and therefor you will get a nice Helping of tuna fish right here inyour bowl

hurray says I for it is always a good day when that happens
and whatdyou know but there was asome fish in my bowl
I ate it very quickly
it is a rule you know
eat as fast as ye can the rule says
for all you know it could turn out to be an illusion
LIke in the desert

so ten seconds later the tuna was gone
well not rteally gone
I knew where it was

and everything was Fine

but there is another rule that I forgot
it says But Dont eat so FAST or else Urp
and thats what happened
Urp
there was no more tuna in the bowl
but there was tuna on the floor

I looked at it
and i Looked around
nobody had seen it happen
so I had a little CHeck
it was tasty the first time
and it was tasty the second time
so lets dig in

Well you never heard such a hue and cry in your life
hey Abbie what are you doing
oh for gods sake cat
someone disttract him while I get the paper towels
use the shiny thing

anywya they took away my Major award
and I a m rightly miffed
they gave it to tme
it was MIne
and I should be able to Do with it as I please

2008-10-12T22:51:00.002-04:00

WEll well WELL
ANda gain I say WELL
let me tell YOu a story
I mean it its a real story all right
it all has to do with bloger
and I am not very pleased with them at this time and date

I have been sitting here tfor days on end
trying to put in my name and pasoword
and the internet mocks me
"forgot you r password?" it says
in BLue
so naturaly I remember my passowrd so I type NO I KNOW IT
and it says "forgot your password?"
and I type in NO ID DIDNT FORGET YOU ARE JUST MAKING ME LOSE MY CONCENTRATION
and then it says "forgot your password?"again
blue and under lined

I didnt forget it
I had remembered it all along
but I think the computer wants me to play
its little game
so I type in YES OKAY MAY BE I DID FORGET IT WHATARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT HUH
and it says "forgot your password?"
and I say a very bad word out loud
hush you didnt hear it

at this point naturaly I am very veyr cross
and I hit any old button
I hit them all
had a grand old time too

and then the web says "if you have forgoten your password we will Send it to tyou"
and I say hurray for science
I still dont know which button did it
so there is taht and the computer whirrs and then it goes
"okay we sent your pasowrd to this email addess"
so I go to that email adress
and wouldnt you know it
I FORGOT THAT PASSWORD TOO
you can see I am anoyed because of all the capital letters

then along came a very smart
bug
ok maybe it wasnt a bug maybe it was someone
and they said oh abbie you are useing the wrong internet button
here try this one here
it is another button on the screen click that one not this one
so I put my user and pasword into the new button

and lo and behold
the computer turns into mr nice guy
oh waelcome back to the wornderful world of the blogging it says
can I get you anything it asks perhaps a drink of water or a nice piece of fish
i shall sound the trumptets and lead the parade
pshaw i say You are a Bad computer and took up all this time annoying me
oh no it says that was the other internet button I am the good one

I guess

anyway I have a new collar and nametag
it says ME ABBIE on it
so I know it's me
other than that I Forgot what I was going tosay

2008-02-21T00:44:00.002-05:00

Hey there,

I've got great news to report; Abbie is back home safe where he belongs and slightly no worse for the wear. A neighbor saw our flyers and called when she spotted "definitely a large" tuxedo cat in her backyard chasing a squirrel; she was pretty sure the cat had spent at least one night in her garage as well. I wasn't home from work at the time but my housemate Tracy was, and dashed out to find Abbie already on the move towards another neighbor's house. Though he appeared to be Very Wary of everyone and everything, Abbie eventually recognized Tracy and allowed himself to be picked up and escorted back inside where he should have been all along.

The first thing he did when he got in was run to where his food dish should've been (it was in the back room serving as bait for the House Trap) and complained loudly. This was pretty much the first indicator that he was going to be all right. After wolfing down a great deal of wet food he went around looking for me -- checking my room, my office chair, all over. When I finally did get home he ran right up and started telling me all about things while I picked him up and gave him a big hug (and checked for injuries and whatnot at the same time.) Since then he's hardly left my side while I'm home, and has decided that lap-sitting is a really great thing, especially when the lap belongs to someone hard at work. (He's a dear but it's sometimes hard to type around him.)

He'd lost about 5 pounds in his week-plus outdoors, but has quickly begun to regain that. He had no scars or wounds that I could find, and he wasn't limping or favoring a paw. I took him to the vet to get him checked out. He came out of it with all his shots up-to-date and his claws clipped; he threw a fit when the vet tried to look at his teeth so we wisely decided to leave the microchipping (which involves a larger needle than the vaccinations) for a dental appointment, when he goes under and won't be in any position to complain.

I am extremely grateful for all the help I received from my housemates, friends, online acquaintances, and random strangers both local and far away. I had the flu during a major part of Abbie's absence, and Tracy spearheaded the operation quite ably, getting folks out to flyer and search the neighborhood any time I got a call from someone who thought they'd seen a huge black-and-white monstrosity terrorizing squirrels. People searched for Abbie in other time zones just to check. It was quite inspiring, and I'd like to thank everybody who did anything to help, even if it was just thinking a kind thought for the cat while he was out having his outdoor adventure (and worrying me sick). This fellow really does have a posse.

I'm sure he'll be around sooner or later to tell you his side of things, but if he starts bragging about how he bravely marched to fight the neighborhood dogs or something, you might want to take it with a grain of salt.

Rob

2008-02-06T20:41:00.000-05:00

Hi there. Might as well take a moment to introduce myself: Hi, I'm Rob. The Guy. The one who gives Abbie the access to the computer and lets him bang on the keys whenever he feels like it. When we started this blog seven years ago I made it a point not to actually post to it myself; I wanted to let Abbie do the talking. Sometimes, though, Abbie couldn't be around, so his sister Martha was able to write in his place. Unfortunately Martha's no longer with us, and we have no other animals in this house, so I figured I would be the one to step up and say what needs to be said. I always knew I'd have to break the fourth wall one day, but at least the reason why I thought I'd have to isn't the reason why I'm posting right now.

The reason I'm posting right now is because Abbie the Cat has gone missing.

This isn't a story, and it isn't a setup for me to start talking about pirates; it's for real. I last saw him Sunday morning, February 3, as I was getting ready to go to work. When I came back home, he didn't immediately run to greet me (and he often does; he's very dog-like in that fashion) but I saw nothing wrong there. Sometimes when I come home he's asleep upstairs or on the papasan or in the kitchen trying to wheedle some food out of one of my housemates.

I still hadn't seen him when I went to bed, but I still thought he was probably downstairs on the papasan or in the TV room or wherever else he likes to curl up. The next morning, however, he didn't greet me as he usually does. Let me tell you a bit about Abbie that he may not admit to: he's a small dog in cat form. He follows me around the house when I'm home, he does the running-to-greet-me thing, and he plays a mean game of fetch when he's up to it.

He also is extremely given to ritual. You may know what it's like to have a Ritual. Abbie sleeps by my feet at night, wakes up when I do, stands outside the bathroom door while I get ready for work, and demands to be let in as soon as he hears the shower stop. So as to not wake the housemates I usually concede to his demands and let him into the bathroom, whereupon he strides in, makes sure everything is where it should be, and then struts out. Total elapsed time of inspection: 30 seconds. He then accompanies me back to the bedroom where he either plops his furry butt down right where I need to be, or else he sits on the good pair of pants I'd laid out on the bed for that morning. He follows me downstairs as I get ready to go, and I make sure his bowls are full and he wanders off somewhere as soon as I head for the door.

He wasn't around on Monday morning. At that point I knew something was up. Before I left for work I checked all the closed doors that Abbie may have inadvertently found himself behind: our back staircase, the downstairs bathroom, the hall closet, but he was nowhere to be seen. I got worried that he may have gotten out the door when someone left it open briefly; he's strictly indoors but occasionally gets a bit of wanderlust. I checked under our porches, in our bushes, out in the backyard, in the unused garage (whoa, a lotta junk there) and around the area. He was nowhere to be seen but one of the orange tabby Fagin cats was hanging around, and didn't like my presence one bit.

My housemates and I scoured the house later on to see if he'd found some new and crazy place to hide. We couldn't find him. At this point I made notices online to friends and locals, and have been rewarded thus far with several people who've had sightings. We've printed out fliers by the score and have posted them all around, especially where people have said they've seen a very big tuxedo cat. (Coincidentally enough, there's another missing fat tuxedo cat on the other side of town. That cat is named Phil.)

I've been speaking with local vets, our city's animal control department, anybody I can think of who may have stray cats brought in to them. So far nothing's turned up, but with the news of Fat Tuxedo Cat sightings, my housemate (who's made up a Dragnet-style map with "pushpins" regarding sightings, flier locations, and streets we've searched) we think we know where he may be lurking about. Indoor cats who escape often are bewildered and frightened by the outside world and, especially if they are not good at confrontation with strange cats (such as, say, that orange tabby bully in my backyard) will find a place to hide completely. It's very likely Abbie is quite close to home, but in hiding. However, given the reports we've gotten from around the area, he is at least out and about during the daytime -- sitting on a porch, meeting people on sidewalks, making friends as he always does. (He is very friendly and relaxed around people, which is good.) So it's also likely someone may have taken him in as a stray. It's clear that he's well-fed, however, so I am sure whoever knows cats will know he's somebody's.

Abbie is not collared, tagged, or microchipped. This presents a problem, and a lesson hard learned. I'd say "don't make the same mistake I done did" but I don't wish to lecture you. I do know that once he's recovered, he's going to have positive identification wherever he goes. (Of course, the first challenge will come in making him wear him a collar; if a 20-pound cat doesn't want to do something he won't do it.) We can't leave food out on the porch for him to find as the Fagin cats will come and steal it all, but I have left some of my clothes out on the porch; clothes he likes to sleep on. Hopefully his nose will help. I've also been walking up and down our nearby streets jingling my house keys in my hand, as it's a sound he knows very well.

So.

If you live in or around the Davis Square neighborhood of Somerville, Mass, or you know someone who does, please keep an eye out for the humongous black-and-white cat with the large paws and big bright eyes. If you spot him, please let me know; you can write to abbie@spatch.net or comment to this entry. If you take him in or you know someone who took a stray tuxedo cat in, please let me know. He's a wonderful cat, but I think you already knew that. He's been a part of my life for nearly eleven years now. I miss my buddy terribly and I want him back; I want him back and warm and full of food and comfortable again.

Rob

2007-12-19T15:28:00.000-05:00

WEll there is finlaly snow here on the ground
and you know what that means
that means it is the time of year where we have holidays
The pourpose of the holidays is to celebrate
celebrat what you may ask
the answer is SImple
you celebrate snow

NOw at htis point I should like to tell you about a cousin of mine
who invented holidays
and I should also point out that when I say cousin I mean it
even though I never met the fellow FOr he lived a long time ago
but all cats are related you see
big small tall gray or with no tails
all cats are members of the same famly

execpt the saber toothtigers
we had to kick them out of the family
they were the black sheep of the family you you see
If by mblack you mean balck and orange striped
adn by sheep you mean cats with fangs where their teeth should be
they were no good
and if you read your history you know full well They came to a Bad END
thats all I am going ot say about THEM
hum

so it cameto pass that I had a cousin and his name was Restauarnt Joe
now you may think that is an odd name for a cat
well it is
bnut I'm not making this stuff up here
Restaurant JOe was a great cat and everybody liked him
becuase if you were hungry and wanted food you knew right where to go
you went to REstuarnt Joe
and he would say Well hello come on in sit on down lets get this meal started
and before you know it you had eaten your fill
and it was really good food too
so good you burped
that pleased restaurant joe and hed say come back again real soon
and be sure to bring your appetites

you can probably tell that REstuarnant Joe was not a regular kind of cat
well he wasnt
for one who ever heard of a cat giving away food
seriously that is just un heard of
and thats what everybody thought too
cause they said hey reastaurant Joe
How come you're giving away all this food
and he srhugged and licked his paw and dragged it over his head
and he said cause thats just the way I am baby

I did not jst make up the part where he said baby
I told you he was cool

but stil everybody was skeptical as well they should be
they said hey rest. joe
(I am ssaying rest. joe from now on because I am sick of typing resturant joe)
they said hey rest. joe surely you must want SOmething for giving away all this food
and rest. joe said no not really
and they said surely there is someing you would like in exchange
and he said not really
and they said surely again
and he said well okay There is something I like
and they said what is it you like
and he said Socks

so everybody said okay when we come voer to visit and eat your delicioius food we are going to Give you socks
he said oh no my house is too small
just one sock will do

and even then he continued
MAybe you could only do that once a year
I only have four paws and I Dont need all that many socks
and I may be restaurnt joe but Im not laundromat joe okay

fine said the people after sighing
we wil only bring one sock once a year
and restaurant joe said Im also very particular about my socks
I dont want argyle or blue
so howzabout you just put the socks up somewhere I can see them
and if I like one I will take one
okay said everybody lets go put our socks up by the fireplace
cats like fireplaces

so once a year when the snow came down all the people would put their socks up by the fireplace
and they put candls in their windows and color lights outside so that Restuarnt Joe would know where to look
and fake deer that werent made out of deer they were made out of lights
I dont know how they did that

and every year restaurnt joe would visit and look over the socks
but I dont think I ever heard of him acutally taking one
maybe he didnt really need the socks and just told people that
so they'd stop pestering him with stupid questions
sometimes he would put stuff in the socsks
what a surprise that would be
you putyour foot in and oh hello an orange
what

the first time they did this everybody was happy
they all got food and restaurnt joe got his socks
even though he didn't take any
and it all worked out
gee this was great said restaurant joe
it's a real holiday
yeah said everybody else
even though resaurant joe just made the word holiday up
you dont question words people just made up
who are you to say thats wrong
it wasnt YOUR idea

so thats the story of how my cousin restaurant joe invented holidays
ask any cat its true

by the way sclelebrating snow is very easy to do
its lots of fun and you can do it inside
thats why it's fun
you dont actually ahve to go out in it

2007-11-15T12:37:00.000-05:00

Today i shoudl like to talk abotu Stairs
they are great
I like stairs
okay for one they go up
there they go
ANd ofor another one they go down
(I can run down veyr very fast and I will win in any race guaranteed)
(especially if there is new food int he bowl)
but they also stand still and don't go anywhere
and sometimes
SOMETIEMS

the staris are going up for someoene
the stairs are goingdown for someone
btu they're still standing still
all at the Same TiME

I can't figure it out
perhasps I should sleep on it
okayI think I will
bye

2007-10-22T09:09:00.000-04:00

typcially I am not one for baseball
sure theres a lot of chasing and a lot of running around and that's always fun
BUt when youg et down to it who wants to pick up a ball
or evern throw it
I don't even think I could throw a ball

but someitimes when you watch baseball
and the rightteam makes a home run
everybody jumps up and goes Whoop
and you get a piece of hot dog or tuna or bread or whatever it is on the table
so I gues some teams are better than others in that regard

so go whatver teamm gives me food
may you score a lot of runs in the world eseries and win the day

how do you throw a ball anyway

2007-10-01T00:20:00.001-04:00

I FInally finished the book
itwas long
and ihad a hard time turning pages
but wow there were tswists and turns and excitement galore

now I am going to go look out the window

2007-07-21T00:52:00.001-04:00

WELL WELL WEll
look at what the me dragged in

I WEnt on a maission tonight
it was topsecret and VEry important
I had to run down streets and not get hit by cars and then there was a big dog

I dont want to talk about the dog

but eventaually I won the mission and came home Victorious as you can see

I awill admit it is hard to turn the pages whn you dont have opposable thumbs
so I'mgetting someone to read it to me
I sure hope he doesn't spoil anything

2007-05-01T12:04:00.000-04:00

BIrthday
there was one yesterday you know
I am now ten
in cat years that is SASSY
the guy said hey abbie thats just about two pounds per year
he is lucky I cannot pickup a pail ofwater
then we'd see Who sleeps

tehre were a lot of good things about turing ten
you get two numbers in your age If you spellit that way
10 that's a a1 and a 0
1 means there's something and 0 meanst there's nothing
now here is a neat trick
if you put an 0 next to a 1 it measn there's now something ten times more than 1
dont put the 0 in front of the 1 or else this trick wont work

and ify ou put a nother 0 after the first 0 now what do you tihink
yes it means there is nowasomething ten times more than the 1 and the 0 put togehter
think about that forawhile
what happens ifi you keep on putting more 0s next to it
I amscared of that idea

so for my birthday i igve you the gift of ten

and then ext time someones says to you hey abbie you cant get something from nothing
say oh yes youc an
they are just pesimissists
their cups dont have anything in them
which is 0

thats enough of that
I hasd sushi too
but not thee seaweed
cats dont eat sea weed

2007-04-22T22:23:00.000-04:00

whaoa
I just noticed

I have been writing this for more than six years now
that's a long time and thats many houses ago
ALmost as many houses as years but not quite
I didnt know what a computer was when we were in the big white one
or in the little green one

when I started it was because i was bored
bored boredb ored
you don't come up with new things to do when youre interested
because then you are doing the itneresting things
but when you are bored you looks around
and you say hmm
what Can I do today
lets see
I already ran around alot
I ate some food
maybe I could have some more
okay that was good but now what
I am not sleepy
the other cat she was there too
she was off doing I dont know
probably trying tofigure out how to use the telephone
where did catnip bill go
oh he is under the fridge
hiding

oneday catnip bill went hiding and he was so good at it
we never figured out where he was

I miss catnip bill

so I got on the computer and turned it on
dont ask
it's a secret but there's a button
and then I decided this computer now belonged to ME ABBIE

and thats pretty much the story in a nutshell
except for all the parts I didnt tell
you cant tell everything all at once you know
six years is a lot of time and if you dont believe me you can look at all the months and years over there to the right

six years
and they still haevn't made a keyboaard big enough for me

2007-03-11T12:11:00.000-04:00

BUgs bugs bugs
I saw a bug on the shade
it had a triangle body and antennas
i Hit it and it fell to the floor
take That bug

then I stat and watched it on the ground
and i hit it a few more times just to make sure
cant be too sure around bugs for they are wiley

I LIke to watch bugs on the ground
better than in the air

it looked prety weird that bug
I will not ocmment on how it tasted

2007-03-04T18:26:00.000-05:00

OKya they didsyomething to my blog and now it lokos all weird
I'ma sorry for hdiing for a very long time
but truth be toldit hasn't been much fun since the other cat isgone
all my storys now are about oh Hey toaday I ran downstairs
TOdy I went to sleep on a new place
IT was a couch
aslso I am big
twenty pounds of big
a POund is what weights something and Iwe igh twenty
so thtere

someone rwrote this song for me
it is spelled right ansd was insipred by soetmething that happend in OCtober
dont ask
th eguy wrote it
I dont knwo if I liked it som uch because it is obaviously an attempt to speak for me
when in fact when thi s happened I was very good at speaking on my Own
anyway HEre it is

FOUR A.M. SONG OF FEEDING

Ask anyone who knows me, I'm an easygoing cat
I'm all about the chilling out, I've got the cool down pat
Don't really ask for nothing much, life's all good on the whole
But tonight there ain't no cat food in my bowl.

I've endured a few indignities in my time upon this earth
From jokes about my fuzziness to cracks about my girth
With patience I have borne these barbs that'd try another's soul--
But I'm offended there's no cat food in my bowl.

I didn't mind the time you gave me bows to make me pretty
Or rolled me in a blanket just to play Burrito Kitty
Or wrapped me 'round your shoulders and said "Hey, check out my fur stole!"
But I mind that there's no cat food in my bowl.

Now if I had my way, of course, I'd rule with iron paw
My merest whim a grand command, my meow would be the law
But my job here's to be the cat; provider is your role
So provide me with some cat food in my bowl.

All right, you've had your slumber, and your dreams of god-knows-what
But it's time that you addressed this pressing problem that I've got
Cause I'm a screamin' hungry cuss who's 'bout to lose control
...well hey look now, there's some cat food in my bowl.

2006-06-28T18:51:00.000-04:00

Todfay I am going to tell you where things vcame from
things come from Mythiology
that is the study of where things came from
as you can probably guess we spend a lot of time asking ourselves these questions
I know I do

the first cat was named CAt
that is why we are called cats
Cat was very Big and very black
they didnt have night back then but if they did Cat would be as balck as night
in fact that is how nIght happened
you see Cat was very vbig
Cat was so very big that he stood over the world
peolple underneath said my there is nothing above us but adarkness
except for a little white spot on Cat's tum
cat didnt like to move vry much
so a lot of people stood underneath him and said my my

then Dog came along
Dog was a dog
the first dog
Dog was big too
jsut about as big as cat which is saying something
Dog was yellow and when he stood over the world pepole said oh it is too bright something is in my eyes I am going to go blind unless someone inventns sunglasses soon

cat and dog did not know about the other and that's a good thing because they were Mortal ENemies
they stayed as far apart fotrm each other as they could
cat stood on one side of the world and dog stood on the other
thats just how things were
then one day Cat heard someone undernath him say something
that person said I was just over on the other side of the world and it is not dark at all
in fact is big and bright and guess what there is food
food does not grow in the dark and a lot of people were hungry
so they said Hurray lets go over and get us some food
Cat said oh now wait a minute I want some food too I will go
so off Catwent
and when Cat ggot to the other side of the world he saw Dog
this Cat did not like
Cat made himself look even bigger than he already awas
and said GOAWAY dog
Dog said arf arf Make me
so cat cahased after Dog
and away they went
round and round the world
cat forgot about the food and decided the only thing he wanted to do was to chase Dog
and Dog being Dog was stupid and just liked to Run around
they kept on cirlcing the world
so the people sadi you know what when DOG is over us lets call it a Day
D for Dog and D for Day okay
and when Cat is over us that is called NIght
N for Night and N for i dont know
and they still chase each other even now

therte will be some poeple who tell you that it is actualy Dog who is doing the chasing and has chased after cat since time imemorial
these people are full of beans
cat has always been the one chasing dog and you can put that in your hat or take it to the bank or whatever you want to do twith it

anywayh that is how we got day an dnight
it is our story
I havent heard any better explanations
mostly cause the other explaining dont involve cats

2006-05-18T12:22:00.000-04:00

OKay iut is gone
and I was keeping an eye out for it
in case it came back

BUt a few days ago ther ewas a dog
A DOG
it was RIGHT EHRTE
am so mada I cant type right

i was sistting in the room minding my own business
as I often do very nicely
and then there was ak nock on the door and she said
oh hello abbie you sh ould come out there is someone you should meet
so I went out and lo and behold
A DOG
RIGHT THERE
it was big and balck and it was sitting on the girls rug
normaly I like the girl because she lets me sit on her bed and poke holes in the blankets
but not when she invites dogs into the house
the guy will hear of this I am certain

well abbie that is a dog and her name is molly and she iS visiting
I said I dont care what her name is I am not going to be a party to this
and I let the dog know just what I thought of it all
ANd then ran and hid under the bed
dogs cant get you there

it has been two days and the dog has not come back
I Think the sign I wrote onthe door did it
I just scractched around the door

it says THIS IS NOT A DOG HOUSE
i think that'll do

2006-05-10T22:59:00.000-04:00

i have written One hundred and nintety nine posts
this will be the two hundreth

I Have not written much it is true
but before you say oh ho Abbie you have been sitting around all the time eating catnip and looking out the window why did you not have time to write
FIRst i will say the catnip was for my birthday and I am now nine years old
that is Cranky in cat years

second I have been doing a lot of Thinking
that is mostly all I do
also I have been a lot of complaining
mostly because I have to do the complaining for two nowadays
it takes a lot out of you to complain so much
I dont know how the other cat did it
she complainedf morning noon and night
up one wall and down the other
complain complain complain
oh this is too hot oh this draft is too cold where did the food go why can't I sleep you are too fat
so now I get to complain it all
I dont like it so much

recently though I have been listening to songs
this guy is named lou
he says s alot of stuff about LIfe
he says life is like bacon and ice cream
thats what life's like without you
I dont know I think bacon is good and ice cream is tasty
but I think he means putting it together is kind of WEird
and that its good maybe
but also not good
but he also asks what good is rain that falls up
I dont know
I don't have expalantions for everything

then he asks me hey abbie whats good?
okay lou here is what's good

good is when you wake up in the morning and you have Nothing to do so you go back to sleep and nobody yells at you
That's good

it's even good when you wake up and notice the sun is over there
so you go over there
and now it is time to sleep in the sun
that's good

it is also good when there is new litter in the catbox
and it smells clean
cause it means hey you can go again
and make a mess if you wish

fresh water is good
because it comes right from the water faucet
you can't get much more fresh than that

stairs are good
to knock things down
Goodbye sock

its good when you are sleeping
and you dream of Pizza
and you wake up and
there is pizza there
hey thats good

warm is good

sometimes people are good
but don't tell them that
it only makes them think they're better than you

that's what is good
life's good
lou says Life's good too
but not fair at all

maybe so
maybe not

and I have been looking out the window a lot because if you look hard enough sometimes you can see a skunk

2006-01-19T11:56:00.000-05:00

it is ASMazing the things you can get awayw with when you're the only cat around

for isntance last night I was really realy mad
and I used a lot of swear words
i was cussing up a storm left and right
I used the mrr-word
and the eemerrr-word
and maybe i said the one that begins with Rrow but thats all I'mg oing to say about that

thing sis since i was the only cat nobody understood what I was saying
come tothink of it that was the reason why I was so mad in the firs tplace

2005-12-26T15:59:00.000-05:00

DIda you ever hear the story of Catanip Bill
catnip bill was our friend
he lived under the couch
then oneday he moved far away
i think to canada
we never saw catnip BIll again

but the other day I got a package in the mail
from christmas
inside was wrapped up a gift
the gift said ABBIE on the paperso I knew it was mine
the other gift was a toothb rush so I knew it wasnt mine
and inside the gift marked ABBIE was Catnip Frog
it is not BIll it is a frog
but it is my new friend
and I like it anwyway

2005-12-07T01:54:00.000-05:00

I Was not that good atp utting put picktures before
but here is a picture of me

why abbie you SAy that is a stranger whisker you have coming out of your mouth
and I say that is no whisker that is my mouse

I toldyou there are a lot of mice around here

2005-11-22T15:48:00.000-05:00

there was asnother mouse today
where do they come from

idea number12: the wall
idea number2: a hole
idea number 3: mouslvania

i dont know where they come from
but I Do know where they go
burp

2005-11-14T11:20:00.000-05:00

ho Hum
hi
I just owoke up
I have been sleeping a lot
its not so hard to do when theres nothing much else dto do
you just got os leep and you wake up and that's that

there were some parties recently and i invtestigaed the party
and i ate some food when nobody was looiking and then people saw me
and they said oh thats the famous abbie
here have some cheese
so it wasnt such a bad party

it hs been very quiet otherwise
i ma trying to find someone to talk to
have not had much sudccess with that
people dont count by the way
peopleare like "oh hello arent you a cute little cat well well well what do you want do you want some food do you want a scritch do you want to play with your bouncy ball"
and all i had said was "close the door"

i found a mouse
it was hdiing in the food
I siad hello little mouse
it said screep screep screep
I said my names abbie what is your name
it said screep screep screep
i said what do you want to talk about for there is a world of things to talk about
screep screep screep
and it hid a little bit further in the corner of the food
i said you're not one for conversationa re you little mouse
that is sad for i know we could have lots of fun times talkng to each other about everything and nothing
i would tell you what its is like to be a cat and you coul d tell stories about being a MOuse
then th ey would rwrite a book a bout us, it woul dbe called ABbie and the Mouse
and we would be friends
screep screep screep
that was all it said
well that was that as fara AS i was concerned
i cant be bothered with rodents who don't want to talk to me
so i cahased the mouse and caught it
i dont know what happened to it after that

then i caught anohter mouse that was strying to eat my food
it took a piece of food right out of my bowl and everything
this time i didnt bother to chat

2005-09-24T17:58:00.000-04:00

today is a SAd day
i am vffeeling very low
the other cat is gone for good
i don'tknow why
i dind't do it

first off she was sick and dshe didnt tell anybody she was sick
not even me
i said why are you so skinny and she said i dunno let me sleep
i said why do you sleep so much and she said because i am tired okay let me sleep
and when I said you are not eating my food anymore why are you not eating my food anymore she just licked her paw and went to sleep

so iw ent over and i said hey i dont think the other cat is feeling very well you ought to take her to the vets
at least if she was really feeling all right and just trying to lie to me and pretend to be sick for symppathy then a trip t o the vets would change her wagon
so they took her to the vets and this is what the vets said
oh she is not eating and not drinking and she has a fatty liver
this is when you donot eat and your liver gets full of fat
she has to stay for a few days and take the tests

so they kepther for a few days and they took her tests
and she lost four poudns
and they said she has pnacraiatis or something like a pancras i dont know what that is i'm only trying to read the words on the sheet
they said that she could be treatd okay but it would take a lot of work and a lot of medicins and I know what its like to take medicine and nobdoy likes that

last night they let her come home
she had a big bag of medicins
and food that I could not eat
they had medicine to antibitoics and medicine to make her want to eat
and medicines for her stomach and medicins for her liver
and a big tube to put the food in

she sat on her favorit chair and ate a bit of the food
and then she put her head on her paws

i said whats wrong with you
she said abbie i am a tired pirate
i said you are not a pirate you are a cat and you are here with me and soon you will be awake and fighting me for my food once again
she said no it has been a long voyage and it's time for me to go
go where
she said you know the cats who have been before
the ones we sing songs about
who are always there even if you cant see them with your full eyes

is this the journey over that bridge of rainbows i said
she snorted and said pah that's all nonsense
there is no bridge
you just move on, thats all

okay I said that is a relief
ebcause I don't like too many bridges to begin wtih
but whats this about wanting to be with the cats who have been before
she said it's not like i have much of a Choice abbie
i said this is bushwah and furthermore we are supposed to be together and if you go where does that leave me, all alone i tell you it's not fair
she asaid i'll always be around somewhere but you just won't be able to see me
but when there's a nice shadow on the floor
or if a cupboard door opens
i'm there

i am going to bite you I said
your kind of thinkingis foolish and you will get better
suit yourself she said
then the guy took her upstairs and put her on the bed and she went to sleep

listen says I following everybody upstairs
you cant go
i'm sorry if i was a pain
i'm sorry for the time we fought and i bit your ear
and maybe i could stand to let you have a fwew more Bitesin the cat dish
or the time i wanted you to go away
im sorry
i didn't really want you to go away

she opened an eye
and said i know
we are brother and sister and that means a Lot
and you always were my best friend
but i am tired abbie
if you want you can help me out

how i said
she said remember the song i sung to you
the one you learned from me and the cats who have gone before
if you wanted you could sing it to me now

goodnight you cats I sang
Now is the time for all good cats to go to sleep
there are things to do tomorrow
And you can do them then
but now its time to sleep
and you can dream

and when i looked up she was sleeping and quite happy

this morning she was quiet and still
and breathing Very soft
she sat on a lap
in the sun
her name was martha
and she was petted gently
by pepole who loved her
and it was there she died

she didnt have to go

2005-08-31T01:35:00.000-04:00

I l;earned about neagative psychology today
it is when you say one thing but you mean the reverse of it
like when someone says "go ahead abbie stay on the table, we really want you up there dancing around in our food and being a pest"

what is uspposed to happen is I am suposed to think "well I am feeling fat and Contrary today so if they want me on the table I will say NO and hop down, so there"

it didnt work
but just the same
today I found out what poutine is
I dont want it anymore
so none of that for me thanks

2005-08-30T15:54:00.000-04:00

again I am in the right and good
the doors were open yeeterday
the othercat said that it was time for an adventure, come on and we shall go exploring
and i myself said oh no that is not allowed
we are INdoor cats and outsdoors is not for indoor cats
she said pooh-pooh, what is indoors and outdoors anyway, all it is is a matter of doors
and away she went

THEy alater found her in the garden
pretending to be a spider plant
meanwlhile I was well hbehaved and given poutine
at least i ASKed for poutinge

2005-08-11T14:44:00.000-04:00

HEllo and thankyou for calling Abbie the CAt enterprises, this is ME ABBIE speaking
how can I helpyou

yes hello mr bug it is nice to hear from you again how was your trip to the ktichen
and what can I dofor you today
well I am sorry to hear that you are worried a cat is going to step onyou and maybe eat you for a sanck
if ICan place you on a bref hold I will transfer yu to our other cat department
okaythank you
oops
i meant to place mr bug on hold but i have acidentally on purpose stepped on him
oh well thats the way business goes
I will fill out my call report form and then take the next call

hello and Thank you for calling Abbie the Cat enterprises this is ME ABBIE speaking how can Ihelp you
oh its you
listen why are you calling me
I dont care what you think, this is my game today
what doyou mean this game is stupid
i played your game when you ran the grocery storye
and i had to buy articohks and I dont even LIKE artichoks
hey you cant say those things on the phone
well you are full of beans too
I am goingto hang up on you
and i will fill mout my call preort form and it will say "got a call from an anoying cat who annoyed me and was busy being a pest and I hung up on her"
and i wont get fired
no you cant speak to my supervisor
well go right ahead then
goodbye

she alswyas has to ruin my games
so much for the phone
i think next im going to run a hotel

2005-08-05T00:19:00.000-04:00

OH idid not know if I told you already
we are in a new place
We got taken here a few dasy ago
it is a lot bigger
there are Stairs in my house
including some staris we're not supposd to be on
But we use them anyway
my paws are all gray because of the basment I found
it is a mysterious exciting place full of adventure ande xploration
oh and there is food and foods
I pushed my food all voer the floor because ti is a housewarming present
here are more people too
one oft hem brushed me
and put a comb over me
and said "i have taken enough ahir off you ABbie to make a new cat"

well humph
if you do that you better not call it abbie junior
because I see where you put all that hair
abbie junior does not live in a trashcan Thank you very much

2005-07-29T09:33:00.000-04:00

lastnight was aCampout night
i snuck outside when the door was open
and camped out
on the staisdrs

it is a much better wildernsss than being outside, being on the stairs
well the groudnd is green but not planty
it is like a rug

therre are strange sounds in the wilderness
like the other cat behind the door
who says YOu shouldnt be out like that
and says I'm gonna tell
and says whats it like out there

the best part of the wilderness is the great sleep you get
i wokeup this mornign fresh as a daisy
and headbutted the door until i was let in
and then enjoyed a big delicious breakfast

you need a lot of energy to headbutt

2005-06-26T23:36:00.000-04:00

WAIt what has happened to my webpage
hllo blogger

2005-06-26T23:23:00.000-04:00

hot
OH boy is it so hot
it is really hot
we are hiding out in the bathroom it is hot
the other cat is curled up enxt to the terlet
i tell her it is very sunseemly to be doing so
for instance nobody sleeps around OUr catbox

being so hot there is not much tod o
i mangaged to find a fly to talk to
we had a conversation but it was not very interesting
hello fly I said my name is abbie
buzz buzz buzz said the fly
how ar eyou doing today I said
buzz buzz buzz food food buzz food buzz buzz food said the fly
I said i didnt see any food here
buzz buzz buzz buz buzz said the fly
it was then I realized i dont know how to speak fly
so i chased him out the window

all in all it is more rewarding to talk to the wall

2005-05-27T12:15:00.000-04:00

it was sunny againt today hooray
I dont know where it had gone but it was gone but now it's not
so I was enjoyihg a pleasant nap in the sun
and the other cat came by and said look the sun is back it's spring and you know what time that is
and I said what
she said it is spring cleaning time and I am in charge
and I said waht
so she sat down behind me and held my head and said geez louise abbie your ears are filthy
and started to wash my ears

now i like having my ears washed as much as the next cat so that was okay I guess
even if idont think she was beign very thorough
once she was done i said okay thank you very much now it is my turn to be in charge
and i got up and asat back down on her and started to wash her ears
she said no that is not fair you do not get to be in charge
I said it is spring cleaning time you said that
and she said my ears are perfectly clean
and I swatted her head and said you are full of beans look
and that is when we had a fight

just goes to show you no good deed goes unpunished
anyway the sun was lovely and may it come back again

2005-05-14T13:12:00.000-04:00

It has been sugested that since we are growing older that we are slwowing down a bit
no longer making leaps from the bed to the dresser with as much Grace as used to be
I myself donot believe such lies, I am still fit and hale and hearty like a battlesihp
in fact I CAn stand on my head if I Wanted to
I just dont want to

n other news I ate a burrito today

2005-05-06T15:27:00.000-04:00

OIKAy sometimes I just dont get things
I'm just sitting here minding my ownbusiness
and the other cat comes up and says oh hey
I say hey
she says guess what
I say what
she says I bet you cant walk backwards
and I say what that's easy, you're ufll of beans, look
so I stand up and I start to walk backards
and I say see, it's easy
and the other cat just looks at me and says BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP
then she laughed to herself and ran off

I dont pretend to understand a lot of things
but she I understand the least
now I am going to understand the catbox

2005-05-01T16:00:00.000-04:00

SO what are yosu puuposed to get on your bitrthday
ME i got sick

yesterday was full of a nap too
SO it wasnt all THAT bad

2005-04-22T12:27:00.000-04:00

oh hay guess what i have
guess what i have
guess what i have
guess guess gusess guess guess guess gues geuss guess guess guess guess guess guess

okay give up
it is cornbread

2005-04-22T03:17:00.000-04:00

I Get a lot of email
most iof it is addressed to ABBie
but I think there is another abbie who is writing mails and getting responsses
because honestly some of the responses I get I dont rememebr writing for in the first place
one person wrote me and said "helo ABBIE thanks for writing here is your new mortgage"
what the heck is a mortgage
i dont know but there are a lot of numbers and % signs in it
someone elese said "HEllo abbie thanks for writing here are the stocks you requestd for investing in"
funny but I dont do much investing
maybe this other Abbie does
maybe he wears a suit
thern there was the nice lady who said "hello abbie thanks for writing I am a cheating housewife and I am very bored"
well maybe if you did not cheat all the time you would not be so bored playing cards or Scrable or whatever it is
I play fair here strictly on the level thank you very much
no matter what a certain miss Tattletale likes to think

then there were some other mails about medicins that I KNOW I did not write in the first place becaus frankly I Have had an Operation

hte other cat says the mail I get just pretends that I wrote in the first place
well Id like them to pretend I wrote and asked for chicken
besides WHat does a tattletale know anyway

2005-04-14T04:38:00.000-04:00

Wellw ell well look what the me dragged in
ME

I bet you thought I was gone for a while
WEll okay I was
but I was having exicting adventures in fiji
that's right fiji
I bet you thougth i was gonna say the moon
well that's where I was last time when I was gone for a while
but this time around I was in fiji

It is a beautful place fiji
there tbhe beaches are full of sand
and you just lie around all day
if you open your mouth a fish will jump in, no joke
AND then you can eat it

oh it certainly is the life in fiji
so much so that I had to come back
I havd to come back because my country needed me
so I saved the day yet again and stayed back home

all of this is true so you don't have to listen to what the other cat says
She thinks i stayed at home ALl along hogging the comupter when she could have been using it
of course she has a barrel of lies

2005-02-09T04:11:00.000-05:00

Hello it's your old pal again Martha.
Abbie is still in major trouble and he wont be on the computer for the rest of the week.
This gives me time to use the computer.
I play games and I draw pictures but I erase them afterwards and I visit websites.
The only thing I cant do on the computer is play ebay.
This is the story of why I can't go to ebay.
One time I went to ebay.
There was something on ebay once that was cool.
The game on ebay is to say how much you would pay for it.
I said I would pay five dollars.
Then ebay said beep someone else said they would pay six dollars.
So I said I would pay seven dollars.
Then ebay said beep someone else said they would pay eight dollars.
This is where you see that I am clever.
I said well okay I will pay ten dollars, ha.
Then ebay said beep someone else said they would pay twelve dollars.
Well of all the nerve.
So I said well I would pay twenty dollars.
Then Abbie came by and asked me what I was doing, and I said I was playing the ebay game.
He said how do you do that and I said by telling ebay how much you would pay for something for instance this picture of a pirate ship.
He said where are you going to get the money to pay ebay for the picture?
And I said you dont have to pay, you just pretend you will.
He said he didn't think that is how the game worked.
But then I looked at the rules and the rules said that if you won the ebay game you really did have to pay.
And that's in real money.
Well that is a stupid game.
You win and you have to pay money sounds like you don't win to me.
Lucky for me someone else said that they will pay twenty-one dollars for the picture of the pirate ship and I said okay.
It is all a shame though.
It was a nice looking pirate ship.
I am typing very slowly on this so that abbie sees me on the computer.

2005-02-05T04:46:00.000-05:00

Hello, it's me again, Martha.
I am writing today because Abbie cannot write today.
He is not writing because he lost his computer privileges.
He lost his computer privileges because he did something very bad.
He hurt someone and you are not supposed to hurt anyone.
And someone can be anyone.
I dont think he meant to hurt anyone.
And he didn't mean to hurt someone.
But I told him if he didn't stop running around in the middle of the night he was going to hurt someone.
And he said ha to me and kept running.
And he ran on the bed, and he wanted to jump onto the windowsill.
I think there were things outside he wanted to see.
I don't know.
I do know that he is just a foolish cat because he didn't look where he was leaping.

So when he jumped on the bed, he actually jumped onto someone's head first.
And then he jumped onto the windowsill.
When he was on their head.
So he scratched them.
On the eyebrow.
And what do you know, he hurt them.
And they were sleeping.
I was sleeping, too, right close by.
I had to wake up too because everybody was awake at that point.
And there was bleeding.
They had to clean it up.
Did you know pirates used to paint the floors of their ships red, so the blood did not show up and upset everybody when there was a fight.
So anyway there turned out to be a really big cut and it looks wicked.
There will be a scar and everything.
Scars are great.
They mean you have had your lumps in a fight and you came out okay.
I suggested an eyepatch even though the cut is above the eye.
Eyepatches are neat but not for too long because I like to see in 3D.

But because he was bad he is not allowed to use the computer for a while.
This makes him sad because I think he was playing a game that he really liked.
And now he can't play his game until he apologizes.
He wont apologize.
He didn't apologize for the time when he bit my ear for no reason when I said good day to him and wasn't it a lovely day.
He didn't apologize for the time when he grabbed the tuna fish from the bowl and ran and hid and wolfed it down and I got no tuna fish to eat.
He didn't apologize for the time when he did his business in the fireplace and not the litterbox.
I don't think he has an apologizing bone in his body.
And trust me he is big enough that he has a lot of bones.

But I'll tell you one thing.
He's very lucky he scratched up the guy and not me.
Because if it was me he scratched up, I would have beaten him up.
Thrashed him soundly and keelhauled him.
As it stands he didn't get beat up.
But he sure got yelled at a lot.
And now he is in the doghouse.
Although we don't have a doghouse because there is no dog, he is in it anyway.

Okay that's all the news for today. Bye

2005-01-28T01:21:00.000-05:00

have you ever herad of Rp Van Winkle
rip van winkle was a young man
and then he fell sasleep
for twenty years
and then he woke upa nd was old
and he dreamed he went bowling
I dont get that part myself

anyway cats have a legend like that too
only it is not about a man who sleeps for twenty years
it is about a Cat convenitely named Abbie who was kept awake for twenty years
by another cat who lives in the place with him
and she stayed up all night pestering him with questions

like what time is it
and what time is it in india
and where does the water go in the toilert when you flush it
and who came up with the number five
and is the piece of catfood shaped like a fish supposed to taste like a fish because brother it dont taste like fish
and do you know how to flush the toilet
and if the sun is so hot ohow come we dont burn when we sit in it
and am i the first one to ever come up with that question
and why don't we wear shoes
and do you think they'll run out of carrots
and hey I think I just figured out how to flush the toilet, want to see

well nedless to say the story ends in a great fight
and abbie wins the fight and gets to sleep for once
while the other cat is bansihed to the Annoying Corner
anyway I thought you would like to read a story today

and I think the otilet has to flush itself by magic

2004-12-25T21:53:00.000-05:00

Okay so there s a new recipe I just heard about today for Chirsmtas
it goes like this

first you take teh DUck
then you put it in the Chicken
then you put it in the turkey
then you COok it
and then you Garnish whatever that means
and serve
to the cat

the last line is not in the actual recipe I dont think
but I put it in there just to be safe

ho ho burp

2004-12-07T11:14:00.000-05:00

well the hOliday season is upon us and you know what That means, time fo rthe holidays
often it is tough to find a perfect Presnet for someone
well I have just the sugestion

food
in a box

it is easy and good

how easy isi it, you ask
well let's say you got me some food in a box
first it is easy because you don't even have to put the food in the box, it's already there
you just wrapit up and put my name on it and off you go
when you get to me you say here abbie here is a present for you
and I go oh boy what is it, let me unwrap it
then I see that there is a box, and there is food in it
and I say now this is the best present you could give me, Thank you
then it is time to eat

look at that, you just made my holiday season
also i would suggest the food be something i Like, so it pays to shop around

2004-11-20T23:14:00.000-05:00

wellwell well
SOMEone has a bit of an attitude
all I wanted to know whas what she was eating

and I dont HAVE any beeswax so I know its none of mine

2004-11-02T10:36:00.000-05:00

SO today we had to decide on dinner
this is very iomportant because it determins what we eat tonight
so I asked theother cat how we do this and she said it is very simple
first there is one cat who wants tuna and that will be me ABbie
then there is another cat who wants chicken and that will be her

then she said we have to have a fight over it and that the cat who wants tuna must say that tuna is 100% Delicious all the time and would never think of eating chikcen
and the other cat must say no tuna is 100% disgusting and that chickenis always declicious and ther ecan be no other way about it

i said but i like tuna and i like chicken too
she said that don't matter because you ahve to be for one and against the other, that's the rules
I also said but sometimes the other cat eats tuna too in fact we have had fights where she tried to take my last piece of tuna and run away with it
and she said that still don't matter either aren't you getting this we have to play this game by the rules and there have to be two sides and there's no switching and if you don't follow the rules you are bad

I said if you ask me this is a pretty stupid game
a fellow should be able to choose for dinner what he feels hungry for
it's only food
it all ends up mixed up in the same place anyway
so fordinner I stole some steak off the guys plate
and followed it up with some tasty tuna
and some delicious chicken
and then I sat around becaus I was so full I couldnt do anythign else
but I made a decision and I made it

so I think i won
marigin of error plus or minus 200 percent

2004-10-30T17:14:00.000-04:00

I Was not able to sleep lastnight
I kept waking up and I Had to move
running jumping standing still
I had to jump on the dresser and then jump on the door
I took the curtain off the door iwndow because that's what I had to do
I was cranky because all I really waanted to do was sleep

the othercat said it is because of the cats gone before us
thoste cats are always around you know
they just don't bring much atention to themselves
they're allways sleeping in the sunlight
or inthe shadows if that's what they like
sometimes I can seethem out of the corner of my eye
if you listen carefully sometimes you can hear them
i guess last night they all decided it was time to play
because they sure dont want to sleep
they were ond ifferent time zones or something I guess

so the other cat said she would sing a song to them
and she sat next to me and closed her eyes and purred and sang a song
she sang a lullaby to me and the cats
she sang to each of them in turn
she sang to the tortoiseshell and the yellow tabby and the White one with different coloredeyes
and the gray and white who was friendly and the thin black cat who trusted no one
and the blue gray and the blind hunter who had his own song of fighting a porcupine
(we all had to sing the porcupine song when it came around becaus thatis what you do and besides the chorus is fun)

and as she sang they all stoped to listen and sat down and curled up besideus
it was good they donot take up too much space on the bed because we would have been REally crowded
and I lisntend and I closed my eyes and I hummed along
she sang goodnight to us all
goodnight you cats she sang
Now is the time for all good cats to go to sleep
there are things to do tomorrow
And you can do them then
but now its time to sleep
and you can dream

thats what i remember of it anyway
I'm never too good on remembering words

and we all went to sleep
of course I had it easy caus my eyes were already closed
and when I woke up it was daytime and time to get up
and wouldnt you know it there was no food in the dish
that right there si a BIG SURPRISE

i told the other cat i was glad she knew the lullaby
and she licked her paw and said that she onlydid it cause iw as driving her nuts to begin with

h3ere is a good hint
a fight is a good way to wake someone up who also goes to put food in your bowl
especially if you fight on topo f them as they're sleeping
lets just say I learned that from a friend

2004-09-26T01:57:00.000-04:00

Hello, it's me again Martha.
I am writing this because Abbie took pictures of his adventures in the hero game.
He does not know how to show the pictures so I said I would show them for him.
But he insists on typing what he wants to say.
So when the pictures are shown and there is writing, it is what he is saying and not me.
I would not say such things about the pictures.
My pictures are better.
Here are his pictures.
Oops the pictures got broken again so they're not here.

This is the story of ABbie the Ninja and his adventures
look there's me Abbie and I am talking to someone on the street
"Oh you must help us" they say "There are bad guys in the building across the way, can you help us"

I say "Why yes I willd o my best as usual"

This must be where the bad guys are
it is funny because it looks like every other building in the city
but that is the sneaky thing about bad guys, they hide in the places you do Not hthink to look in
So I will go in

see what did I tell you
BAD GUYS
so I say NOW IT IS TIME TO FIGHT CRIME and we have a fight

the numbers show up and they mean red if you are getting hurt and orange if you are beating them up
here it is red because you sometimes Have to take your lumps
it is a very pitched battle and it is full of excitemtnt
and YES I HAVE A SWORD THIS T TIME OKAY
I had to make a new ninja becaus the other cat kept bugging me and saying ninjas have swords and not ice shots
now she is bugging me some more
in the middel of the story even

and naturaly I am victorious
stop it
IAM typing here
get awayfrom the keyboarrd
i can say wahat I want

hurray we saved grandma

after all this fighting it is Time for a tastey snack so I am making up my mind
being a hero is hard because you have so many choices to choose from

that is the game in a nut shell
yes we use virtue serevrs
but we dont play much except for today
and I Dont play with Groups becaus i am a Ninja and also they buged me about my ice shots too

2004-09-10T23:56:00.000-04:00

IWAs playing the superhero game today and someone said abbie wher eis your battlecry
I said I dont cry in battle
they said no the batle cry is the thing you say when you are ready to fight
like "now I am ready to fight"
the thing had one becaus he said its clobbering time
and the hulk had one because he said RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

so i thought about it forawhile and then I decided
i say NOW IT IS TIME TO FIGHT CRIME and that rhyms so you can see it is VEry good

here is whathappens in the super hero game
first you put in your name and pasword
then you choose your hero
if you mess up you choose the other cat's hero
but she made mep romise not to choose hers or else I would get in trouble
I dont see why I would get into trouble all Iwould do is run around as her saying things like "oh ABbie the NInja is far better than I am"

then you patrol for criminals
this means you walk around on the streets
I saw two bad guys harras a fat guy
so I said NOW IT IS TIME TO FIGHT CRIME and fought them
I won of course
the fat guy said oh thank you for saving me
I said whoa hey you are fat

then I went into a factory to find bad guys
someone told me to go look for them there
these are people you talk to
they say Hello abbie you sure are a powerful hero, go and fight some bad guys for me
the factory was empty and I said I hope there are not any bad guys here because they will be sorry they are bad if I find them
then I said wait I mean I hope there are bad guys there so I can fight them
and there are lots of them
and I am surounded

but does ABbie the ninja give up
no

that's when the ice shots come out
and they get frozen
and I say NOW IT IS TIME TO FIGHT CRIME
even though it was time af ew seconds ago
I was busy with the ice shots

all in all I won
for my reward another fat guy said congratulations abbiie you saved the factory
wonder what it is with this game and fat guys

2004-09-05T01:59:00.000-04:00

I started playing a newgame today
it is the Super HERo game
in it you are a super hero
you have to go around the city fighting Crime
it is a fungame and you can be a super hero

I signed up and it said make a superhero
and I made aABBie the Ninja
he is a ninja who shots fireballs and can zap enemys with electrical powers
if they get out of hand
the game said ok what is your battle cry
and I said wait what i would not cry in battle
abbie the NInja is fearless

the other cat saw what i was doing adn sniffed
she said ninjas dont shoot fireballs or zap enemys
she said ninjas need swords to chop up the bad guys
I said butt out of this you or else I will make a super hero for you and call it Captain Full of BEans
she said move over let me do it
and she made a character named after herself
and it was a PIrate

I said now wait a minute we're supposed to be the good guys here
and a pirate is a bad guy, it is not a good guy
and she said well maybe this one is a good guy

the one Drawback for this game is that you cannot fight each other
only bad guys
i would make a bad guy if they let me and call it the turky bandit
all the good guys would run in fear from me thats for sure

2004-08-25T03:41:00.000-04:00

I Suppose I ought to mention there was a bird in the house rcently
yes there was
there was a little bird and it lived in the drawer by the bed
one morning I was minding my Own business ERIght there
and there was this noise that sounded like a bird in a draewer
and ther eit was
well naturally I was very interested in this developement as because there has not eben a bird in the drawer before
but then this is where the cruel part happens

me and othe other cat were so excited to see the brid
she yelled
not me
I didnot yell
and the guy woke up and said "oh no" and put us both in the other room
while the bird got to fly free out the door

now this is unfair to a high degree
I saw the bird first and therfore should have been able to do what I wanted with it

and no more brids have been in the drawer since
I Should know because I keep checking
just in case

2004-08-03T22:51:00.000-04:00

I wrote a play Today
it is a mystery play
the name is It IS A mystery
it is about a msytery and the dectective has to figure out who did it
here is the play

IT SI A MSYTERY
by ME Abbie

ACT 1

DETTECTIVE JONES: hello everybody I have brought you into this room to tell you who done it
MRS HOOPLE: Oh thank heavens this mystery is almost over
COUNT SNODGRASS: well detective jones I do not think you know who did it
DETECTIVE JONES: on the contrary I know exactly who did it and everybody in the room is a suspect
MISSMILICENT: gooodness gracious
DETECTIVE JONS: you miss milicent you are a suspcect because you were friends with mr ankle and you wantd his money
MISS MILICENT: but I didnot do it
DETECTIVE JONES: And count snodgras you are a suspect because you are mean and villianous and did not like mr ankle
COUNT SNOD GRASS: lies all lies detective joness I shall see you hang for this
DETECTIVE JONES: and mrs hoople you are a suspect becaus you had the oportunity when mr ankle was asleep
MRS HOOPLE: why I never
DETECTIVE JONES: also the maid is a suspect too
DETECTIV JONES: okay now I shall reveal who the culprit is and how they did it

that is all the play I Have writen
I forgot to figure out who did it
itis fortuneate i can have a rewrite becaus the play does not open up until next month
starring ME abbie as detective jones and a spider as count snodgrass

2004-07-28T06:33:00.000-04:00

There si a Convnention going on nearby
that measn a lot of poeple and they all talk a lot on tv
personlly I don't care too mcuh for tv anyway
never enough cats on tv and when there are the cats are all boring
or somsoene is throwing a shoe at them

people say oh hay abbie you are a cat and I say yes
and they say you have a bolg and I say yes
and they say so you should be rwriting about this convention
and I say what
for one it is not a very good place for cats at least that's what I saw on tv
everybody is making a lot of noise
and stomping their feet which usually means "I mean it get off the counter NOW"
or something to that effect usually involving food
Also it is not a place I would like to sneak in and get caught

thouh i do seem to see what needs to be done when writing in blogs about conventions
first you have to figure out if you agree with what they are saying or not
if you agre then you write about how great it is and what a goodtime you ar ehaving
if you don't agree then you wirte about how miserable it is and that it is all a disastser
even if you're having a goodtime anyway
all in lall Id like to stay home if you dont mind
something tells me they don't serve cats fancy dinners at this convention
I would rather make do with these leftovers
you weren't really going to eat them were you

2004-07-12T20:44:00.000-04:00

wait
WHAt the heck is this

I See how it is
First off you go away for a while and you hve Lots of trouble and then you sit under the Bed and while you're there certain parties decide it is better to not leave well enough alone and befor eyou know it the entire place smells entierley different and boy oh aboy someone is in for a bunch of trouble

LEt me tell you about hte trip to the doctos
frst off there wasnt a car trip to the doctors
no sir we walked down the hill
well I was in the box and someone carried me see
and there were cars going all over the place and it was very loud
SO then we get to the doctors and the doctors says well hello abbie now you can sit in the waiting room
so We sat in the waiting room and I did more sitting than waiting
meanwhile there were dogs

okay then we get to the other room and the first thing the doctor does is put me on a scale
it says 18 pounds and maybe some ounces
then she goes well mr abbie you need to go on a diet
well of all the nerve
I ast least said hello how ar eyou my name is abbie first
but after that oh man the glovs were off
I decidd that I could hiss all I wanted and growl too for good measure
even though I was getting scritched which isnt too bad all things considered
the doctor says okay abbie it is a good thing we do not have anti sass medicins because I would write you a perscription for the biggest bottle in the world right now
I figure you would be sassy too if someone was shining a light in your ear
what do you need to see in there anyways
IT'S AN EAR

then she lts me go and I run right back into the cat carier
you can't get earinspected if you're in there
I did hear her say i was a gorgeous cat
well there you go
18 poudns of gorgeous

we got a ride home and that was good
when I got back I fel asleep
and thats why I'm writing today
being angry takes a lot out of a fellow thats for sure

I undersantd the other cat was a pirate and made money for this trip
I donot believe her as I know for a fact she was lonunging about most of the days here
I think somepeople helped her out
and this is the part where I say thank you a lot
because aparnetly I wouldnt have gone if it wasnt for a lot of help
even the oeple who wrote nice things are nice too and they get thanks
even though I dont know how they got to write in my blog anyway
but ther eyou go
so thankyou very much from ME ABBIE
and becaus of you the other cat didn't sing chanteys all day long
just a few days
she doesnt even know the words
she just hums and then pretends to sing something rude and then laughs
why cant you be a pirate in the other room, that's what I want to know

2004-06-29T20:24:00.000-04:00

Hello it is Martha again.
While Abbie wasn't looking I decided to change his blog.
He does not like change.
He says when things change he isn't happy.
But I can only look at that same old blog for only so long.
So now look what I did.
I used BLoggger.
Now I made it look better.
And look you can write stuff in it too.
But it isn't your blog ok.
If Abbie gets grumpy he will change it back I just know.
He already is grumpy so watch out ok.
Boy will he be in for a surprise.
Look my name is even on every page now.
HA ha.

Martha

2004-06-29T17:17:00.000-04:00

Guess who, it's Martha.
Here is my pirate resume.
You need a resume if you want to be a pirate.
I got help with the resume from some websites but none of them had pirates.

Name: Martha the Cat
Ship: Between ships
Objective: To obtain a high-ranking position in a pirate crew where my pirate skills will benefit and add value to the crew.
(that is the part I had help with.)
Also, to become a mighty pirate.
And plunder a lot and retire to a pirate island and eat mangos all day.

Skills: Plundering, pirating, yo-ho-hoing, belaying that line, heaving to, setting sail, battening down hatches.

Expertise: Stealing food and blaming others for it, singing sea chanteys, running around on a ship during a battle.

References available upon request.

Okay that is my resume.
With it I can become a mighty pirate.
Also I will need to try a mango sometime just so I know what they taste like.

Oh Abbie is asleep so I am typing quietly.

Martha

2004-06-28T16:34:00.000-04:00

Hello, it's me Martha.
Today I went to the harbor to see if anybody needed pirates.
I figured if anybody needed pirates it would be people on pirate ships.
I did not see any pirate ships.
I saw a lot of other ships.
One was a tanker which I guess means full of tanks.
They did not need a pirate.
Another ship was big and wooden and had cannons.
I thought this would be the perfect pirate ship.
But it is not going anywhere except next week.
Next week it goes out to sea.
And then it turns around.
And then it comes back.
And then it stays there for a whole year.
And they did not need any pirates either.
One was a cruise ship which had people in it.
Guess what, no pirates wanted.
But some people said "Oh look there's a cute cat, let's bring it onboard and it can be our mascot and sit by the Lido deck and do tricks for bits of fish."
I laughed.
This was funny because I do not do tricks.
Then someone else said "Oh no, it is a black cat, we cannot have balck cats on board because they are bad luck."
And I went well of all the nerve and turned around and walked away with my tail held high.
For one it is a myth that black cats are bad luck.
You are unlucky all the time but apparently it only counts if a black cat has crossed your path.
You only notice your bad luck if you see one.
And two I am not entirely black because I have silver hairs on my chest and speckles elsewhere so there hah.

So I came home because I'm really not supposed to be outside and I did not want to leave Abbie alone for too long.
And a cruise ship would have been too long.
I told him of my trip today and he was jealous.
The only trip he took was to the food dish and then back under the bed.
Oh and to the box too.
I hope he gets better soon so he doesn't complain at me all the time.
He tried to call me nurse and I had to hit him.
But gently.
Cause you can't hit someone who's sick.

Martha

2004-06-26T23:57:00.000-04:00

hello it's me again Martha.
I am writing because once again Abbie is sick.
Again.
He is hiding under the bed and feeling miserable.
And frankly it is making me miserable too.
First he is hogging the catbox all the time.
He is in there for a lot of time.
Sometimes I go in and I say hey, move it, it is my turn but he says I have to wait.
And he doesn't even do anything most of the time.
And he looks really grumpy about it.
Other times he does not use the catbox and just tries to do his business where he is.
I told him he is going to get into trouble but he said he doesn't care because he already feels rotten.
And you know what, he doesn't get into trouble.
Can you believe it?
Personally I think if someone is sick they should not bother others and they should not complain and they should not feel like they are above the rules.
So I am sitting on the dresser trying to stay out of his way.
I think he needs to go see a doctor.
He does not have the money for that.
They do not take bottlecaps at the doctor.
If he goes to the doctor I am going to have to go be a pirate to pay for it.
I will tell you how that goes okay.

Martha

2004-06-06T12:11:00.000-04:00

Hello today I am interviewing Smarty JOnes who is a racehorse

hi smarty jones how are you
"oh I am fine abbie thank you"
so first offtell us who you are and what you do
"okay my name is smarty jones and I am a race horse"
that si very interesting what does a racehorse do
"well mostly I run around a lot"
hey I like to run around too and chase things, do you ever chase things
"no"
ok so I hear you are good at running
"yes I won a lot of races"
hooray for you I bet it is fun
"it is fun and they feed me oats"
WE saw you on televson yesterday and you did not win the race
"no I did not the other horse did
tht is sad, did you cry
"no"
were you sad that you lost
"no I just had fun running around on the track"
okay why do they call you samrty jones
"because I am smart"

well thank you for the interview smarty jones you are a fine racehorse and we wish you the best of luck
tune in tomorrow when I will interview this bug

2004-06-06T01:23:00.000-04:00

OKay here is a summary of May
sleep
sleep
then I ate some
I ate some more then I took a nap
then something happened and I was very perturbed for a while
and then I went back to sleep
oh now it is time for a food break, now I am eating
one night I ran around a lot after a bug
got some tunafish for being a good sport
wathced out the window a lot, maybe I saw you go by
afternoon nap
I had a fight with theother cat and chased her off the bed
meanwhile I was charming and frindly and everybody liked me
threw up a few times but thats not pleasant news
and I stood in thesink and yelled

it was a good month all things considered
there could have been a bit more food though

2004-05-10T23:14:00.000-04:00

something got changed and now I am typing in a different window
I donot like much change

2004-05-07T22:54:00.000-04:00

OH the weather outside is getting warm
and that means new places to nap that are not hot
blankets are hot you see

Todays helpful tip from me
Bags
Plastic bags
sleep on them, you'll see
they make the best sounds too when you lie on em
crinkcle crinckle

in fact if you learn to love them as much as I do you will be able to SLeep on them and annoy others at the same time by crinckling them
And that my friend is a Win WIn situation

2004-04-30T18:45:00.000-04:00

TOday by the way
is my BIRthday
BIRTHDYA BRITHDAY BIRTHDAY

I Am now seven years old and in cat years that is WILY
it is not much of a birthday today
no balons
or cake

but I did get to go outside on the deck again and look around
and I did get extra tuna from the tuna bowl
and the other cat has not bothered me all day because I think she is enjoying her birthday too

so all in all things are just fine
let's have Another ione real soon

2004-04-30T04:23:00.000-04:00

what
No i donot want gmail
what is gmail
i cant even pronounce it

2004-04-23T11:41:00.000-04:00

when Windows are open there is Trouble afoot
especially when it begins to rain
and the wind begins to blow
and the rain comes in through the open window
and there is ME sitting in the windowsill enjoying the morning

trouble is afoot I tell you
with a capital T

2004-04-08T01:22:00.000-04:00

HELlo my name today is Profesor Abbie the CAt
and I amhere to teach y ou all about the science of being acat
this is catology 101 though what the 101 means I do not know
all classes start with 101

okay the first thing you need to know about cat science
it is not wise to Do things directly
it is better to amke sure your actiosn do not directly influence your goals

what is this I mean you say
well OKay say that there is a room youd much like to visit
but there is always a door in the way and it is closed
the dog science would say Go on and scrathc on the door until it is opened for you
well that is just not the case with Cats

first you must do something else
something REAlly annoying
like say jump up on the dresser and do a little dance
horray you have now knocked stuff off
and then you wake osmeone up

I must metntion at this point the sicience only works if you do it at night when people are sleeping

noww that you have woken them up it is time to do more dancing
and they get up and say oh no it is not time for dancing
it is time to put thecat in the other room where I cnanot hear him dancing

that is right if you have used science propererly it Means that they will actualy walk to the door of the other room
open it up
and let you in
and then shut the door

Yes you are a miricle of science and have gotten your way

when you tire of being in the room you can just scractch on the door to let them know you want to get out

2004-03-26T17:45:00.000-05:00

OKAy see if you are prsistent enough
and you keep saying PLAESE enough
and you keep bugging people enough
then you get what you want

Today I got what I want and I went outside
well I was held so I wouldnt cause much trouble
but believe you me when I say it was not me whow as causing trouble to the outside as much as it was the outside causing Troubel to me

it is big
there is no sceiling
there is a sky and it is big and blue and scary
there is wind otuside too
more than what comes through the windows when I'm trying to sleep
it ruffled my fur and blew in my ear whsssssssssssssssssssss

and cars
cars and trucks
cars and trucks and more cars
down on the street below
(we were on a deck)
I think I saw a mbike

and then a train went by
and it rumbled
and I do not admit ot being Scared but I did hold on to the guys arm a bit with claws
and say "okay that is plenty outdoors for me"
and so we went in and I started feeling normal again

it is very Overhwhelming the outdoors
I donot know how you do it, going out there every day
I just want my sill and my bed and my dish thank you very much

2004-03-18T11:50:00.000-05:00

oh HOello
do you remember me
MY name is Abbie

though to day i should like to talk about Nicknames
because I seem to have a few and maybe YOu do too
OK for one my nickname is Abs
and onetime someone called me Abs of MArshmallow
I do not know why for I am not parcticularly white and fluffy
ok maybe fluffy
but I amnot too fond of hot cocoa

theohter nickname I got once was raskolnikov
that is hardly a good nickname as you will agree
for one it is not shorter than my name already
and whats the point of having a longer nickname
isnt it supposed to be so they don't have to say your name out fully?

this is hard to think aobout
I think I need to nap on this one

NAP

2004-02-27T13:17:00.000-05:00

LAsangna is good but I don't see the appeal of it
groundbeef can be tasty but if it goes cold I donot like it
pretzels are complicated
breakfst cereal is useless
I will not drink root beer
all in all though I think pancakes are very tasty and good

2004-02-04T22:20:00.000-05:00

hola
mi nombre es abbie EL gato
esta es MI pagina
alimenteme

did you udnerstand that
it is called Spainish
you may not know it but I Am a cat of many languages
though thism time around a fish helped me
and then I ate it
burp

2004-02-03T10:41:00.000-05:00

TOday there has been an oversight
I wfound online a place to make quizzes like the quiz I made earlier but I didn't make the quiz like I should have made the quiz
so I made a new quiz

so now here is a new quiz
it is the Abbie The Cat Quiz and it si all about ME ABBIE
but be careful becaus some of the qeustions are tricky and there are lots of twist sand turns you can take
I may mention there is at least one clue to an answer in this post

it is at abbiethecat.friendtest.com and there are 10 qustions
of courfse I answerd them all right and am the CHampion of the HIGH SCore List

oh and you don't have to give them your email addsress at the end like they say okay
I didn't

2004-02-01T22:08:00.001-05:00

oh what now
today it is uspposed to be SUpper Bowl sunday
or so they tell me

and I can tell you right now there is nothing in my bowl
that would make it super

if you ask me I Do believe this means today has completely Failed to live iup to the hype

2004-01-23T00:16:00.000-05:00

it has been EVry cold where I am
very very very cold
at night we have to huddle up for warmth and thin kWarm thoughts
like cocoa

it has been too cold to type
because when it is cold my paws get cold
and then when I type I hit the Wrong letters
and nobody can uderstand me
and whats the good of that I ask you

today It got warm and so I was back to my old tricks again
but now I amhiding in the bathroom closet
it is my Hideout
for I am Abbie the Kid
scourge of the desporados
cagey bandit who steals the frenchfries

there is a wanted poster on the wall up for me
it says WANTED FOR FSTEALING FRENCH FRIES RIGHT OFF THE PLATE
HE IS ABBIE THE KID
CONSIDERD CUNNING AND DANGEROUS
HIDE YOUR FRENHCH FRIES GOOD CITIZENS
REWWARD FIVE DOLLARS

th eother cat is jealous that i Have a wanted poster up
I tried to tell her pirats never got wanted posters, they just got hanged
she sniffed at me and then rolled over
not my fault she didnt want to be los banditos

2003-12-27T14:55:00.000-05:00

OK so this is what hapened on Christmas
first ther ewas illness in the household so creatures were stirring
it was not me I am not sick and neither was the Other cat
so we decided we had to make Christmas special for the patient

so in the morning we snuck into the room and jumped upa nd down
and said merrychristmas it's christmas so hooray it's christmas
and then I did aLittle dance

and we said Dont worry you don't ahve to do anything today this is your christmas day okay
first we shall sing CHirstmas carols
and so the oTher cat and me sang songs like IT's Christmas so Yell REally Loud
and Hey When do We Feast
and Lets Jump up and down on the Furniture for the HOlidays

next we said Okay here are your fgifts from us
and I gave him a bottle cap and it was one of my favorits
I said I know its not one of your favorits but if its not would you let me use it too
and the other cat gave him a hair tie because she knows he uses those
and then we said OK we got you presents so shwhat did you get us

and he said Okay guys this christmas I am giving you the gift of Silence
and put us out oftheroom
I said well this doesnt look like the greatest of presents to me what do you think
but Wait I forgot
before he put us out okya he went to the kictchen
and then said okay go look in the kitchen
and lo and beholdin the kitchen
there was gravy and potatos

so it was a very good christmas and I hope yours was good too
the other cat says happy new year again

your friend
ABBIE

2003-12-17T08:24:00.000-05:00

ITS IS RACE DAY
READY SET GO
RACE

GO GO GO GO GO GOOG OG OGOG GO GOG OG OG OG GOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGO
RACE RACE RACE RACE RACE FEACE RACE RACE REACE RACE RACE RACE RACE

I was the fastsest racer but you won
let's race again okay
and again and again too

2003-12-14T23:19:00.000-05:00

Boy your voidce sure sounds funny when it is recorded doesn't it

in case you were wondering Ih ad to yell really loud
ad I had to stay still to yell in to the microphone and I didn't like it all that much
but in the end I hope you all got and udnderstood my message for holiday cheer

I am saying "Hello my name is Abbie hey whats going on ok hey what's that ok I'm going now"
and then I sing a happy little song

2003-12-14T23:17:00.000-05:00

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2003-11-30T04:20:00.000-05:00

so farthings have been going ok
i am rapidly becoming QUite the chef
did you know that instead of just eating food you can cook it
It is true

for instance take tuna
it is very good on its own you must admit
but it is even better when mixed in with things

so here is my receipie for a recipie with tuna
it is called Tuna DElicious because that's what it is

ABBIE THE Cat's TUNA DELICIOUS
From the kitchen of ABBIE THE CAT

YOu will need:
a can of Tuna (this is IMPORTANT)
2 or 3 Cups of pasta (like macaroni or ziti or Curley macaroni but dont try it with something flat)
some mayonase (this is ALSO IMPORTANT)
ranch sald dressing (this is the SECRET INDGREDIENT)
maybe celry if you are weird (this is OPTIONAL and i MEAN IT)

FIRSt what you have to do is put a lot of water in a pot and make it boil
oops I am sorry I shoudl have said up there that you need water too
when the Water is finally boilling you put in the pasta and let it cook for however long the box says to cook it for
2 cups is usally enough but 3 works if the Macaroni is small
oh and by Cups I dont mean like any old cup it has to be marked as a cup or you might get into trouble

okay next what you do while the pasta is cooking is open the can of tuna
THis is the best part hooray
you will need to Drain the Tuna and this means you can pour some into MY DISH
hooray
and then you can also leave the can but no sharp edges on the can okay leave the lid out

then you put the tuna in a bowl and scoop a bit of mayonise into it too
as much as you can get on a fork and not hvae it fall on the ground
you can also put in a littl of that ranch dressing too, it's okay
then you mix it all up with a fork

now here is the Controverslial part
some people (who are WEIRD) like to cut up some celry and put it in the bowl too
or maybe some relish they like to add
I will stress this may be good for some people but not for cats
because when I am eating tuna mind you this is what I think
"my this is delicious tuna and it is very tasty and good"
but if I then crunch on some celery while I eat the tuna I think "this is not right becaus tuna is not supposed to crunch like this except if it has bones which this tuna MOst Emphathically does not"
so you can put the celeery in your food if you really want but I must warn you
it will have to selttle to be named Tuna Okay instead of TUna Delicious

OH look while we were talkng the pasta is done
so put it in the strainer (oh yeah you need a strainer too) and then back in the pot once the water is gone
now you can add the tuna that you have in the bowl
don't worry about getting all the tuna into the pot because you can leave the bowl down by MY DISH and I will make sure it is cleaned
I canot eat too much mayonaise though

now mix it all up
add some more ranch dressing too while you're at it
this can be done To Taste which means you mix some in and then you Taste it and then you mix some more in and you Taste it and if you like it then you're done mixing

scoop howmuch you want into a bowl and eat it
then you will be happy

unless you don't like tuna in which case I hope you made a different dish tonight

2003-11-18T17:20:00.000-05:00

OKAy here is the thing

she keeps thinking that everything is swetness and light and that inorder to be happy you just have to jump around a lot
and make up mean poems about others who are maybe not so OPtimistic as you

well maybe someitmes it is not
you know

seethe other day i was sleeping and I dreamed
I dreamed i was ridingthe rails on the railroad
and we were going to all sorts of wonderful places
jumping around on the freight cars adn poking around the mail car and seeing what tasty food there was in the dining car
and the eingineer thought I was good luck and he gaveme a bandana
and the conductor said well well well if it isnt abbie the railroad cat and he gave me a whistle to wear aroundmy neck
I never did figure out how to use it

and then IWent to the passengers car and all the people inside said hurray for abbie the railroad cat
and oh the songs they wrote about me on the rails
and i ate mulligan stew with the hobos and I ate beans and coffee with the brake men in the caboos
(I donot like coffee regularly but I guess in a dream it was good)
oh the life of a raildroad cat is the life for me
becaus you still have to look out windows but it is afascinating blur
andevery day there is a new town

the dream was so good I meowed
and imeowed so loud I woke myself up
that was when I was sad because I cant go back to that dream
I'll just have to have another

2003-11-16T17:44:00.000-05:00

Hello, it's me again Martha.
Today I ought to tell you that I went up to Abbie and told him I was writing in his blog.
He didnt get mad.
I asked him if he wanted to say anything while I typed.
He said no.
I asked him if he was going to get angry that I was writing.
He said not really.
I asked him what he was doing.
He said he was making plans.
I asked him what plans.
He said he didn't know, he was just thinking.
And then he licked his paw and turnd around on the bed and went to sleep.

So what I have to say is that its really not all that much fun to be taking over his stuff if he isnt going to get mad at me for it.
I dont even think he knows I took all his bottlecaps and put them in my pirate trasure.

M.

2003-11-15T17:22:00.000-05:00

Hello, this is Martha and I am writing in the bloog today because Mr Abbie cannot be bothered to.
He really has become quite a bother in recent days you see not wanting to do anything in the way of work.
He has preferred to do nothing more than just sit around eating choclates and reading magazines.
Though they are not really chocolates you understand, they are bits of meat or a chessy noodle or whatever he has found in the trash.
I myself am aperfect pirate and would not stoop to rummaging through the trash for my deliicious feast.
I am always Very Patient and will ask you for a bit of food though I will ask nicely and patiently because that is its own reward.

And so when I askedhim if he was going to write more on the internet he said he was very busy at the moment.
And you should have seen it because if anything he was VERY BUSY DOING NOTHING!
So I wrote a poem about him and if you would like to hear it this is how it goes:

Abbie the Cat
is really quite fat
there's a dent in the hat
from where he sat.

If you liked the poem then thank you if you did not like the poem well phooey on you cause that's all I got.

M.

2003-11-01T17:51:00.000-05:00

this is what i got yesterday from trick ro treating:

astyrofoam meat tray
cheese saucepacket and noobdles inside
a wrapper for somethign I don't know what it was but I licked it and it was good

then I pulled a trick
but I willnot say what thet rick is
but it involved toilet paper
happy hallowenn

2003-10-31T14:16:00.000-05:00

hello iam a robot
beep beep i am arobot
beep boop boop beep bepp
take me to your lee der
boorp bep beep boop

trick ortreat its me ABBIE
doyou like my costume it is good this year
all you need is tinfoil and you can get it from the trash
and also whil e you make your custme from the trash you can eat the food inside
so you trickortreat for yourself

the other cat has a costume as well but it is not as good as mine
hers is the pirate under the bed
she does not care for all this doorbell ringing

2003-10-30T14:57:00.000-05:00

MY hunt is over tdoday and I am pleased to say
that there was a bug flying around and I stalked it wilyly
IT thought it wcould escape into the kitchen
but oh no that is wheer I am the best hunter
I know that kithcen back and forth

Finaly the moment of truth came and I caught the bug
It did not know this enitre time that I Had been chasing it
that is how good and csneaky I am

I ate it I think

2003-10-18T22:00:00.000-04:00

hey hey hey hey
hey hey
not much to say today except hey hey hey
yeah

Today i builte a New fort
it is called FOrt Abbie Number 2
I Have come tot he conclusion that maybe fort number 1 fell down because thats' the way things are sometimes
as much as the ohter cat has sworn she had nothing to do withit and was only making a room for her buried treasures
so when it happens I gues you just build a new fort and make it better and less likely to fall down
especialy when another catis in there with her hoard of hair ties and is trying to bury them and make a map

hmm
let me see that map

2003-10-16T11:25:00.000-04:00

listen
jsut because I have some nappydreads on my back
doesnt mean that every time I go by the other cat has the right to try and remove them
i can do it on my own if I want

or not

2003-10-15T14:43:00.000-04:00

I HAve made a list of suspects that could have wreckde my Fort

here they are

1. gangsters
they are always up to no good and you can't trust them, but they shoot guns and I didn't hear guns shooting

2. the nInjas
but they have not beensseen in doors for a very long time, maybe they went away

4. Spiders
but it woudl have had to be a very big spider to do this and I don't want to think about that

5. the other cat
she has ana libi and it is called being stupid and not being in the room at the same time

6. rain

I am still in heavy investigation so I am gathering more clues
for instance here is a pillow on the floor
hmmmmmm how did it get there
it is more mystery